On March 9th, 2008, at 4:00 P.M. EDT, the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you not wish to see those comments, an expurgated version is also available.

 

lpsmith exclaims, "Our next award is for Best Individual Puzzle. Here to present the award is Mike Snyder, aka 'Merk'!"
Merk steps up to the stage.
Merk fumbles for the nominees envelope.
Emerald claps Merk.
[peanut-gallery] Taleslinger asks, "You hired a merk for this?"
Merk says, "I had plenty of time to prepare, but not surprisingly, didn't."
Jacqueline applauds for Merk, despite his fumbling.
Eric climbs off the barrel-organ and joins in the general applause.
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "One day, we will have presenters that make their Dex checks"
Merk says, "So here's what I know."
Celestianpower claps appreciatively of Merk
duesen points at Merk, "Who's that?"
Miseri says, "Yay for the Merky award."
Taleslinger says (to duesen), "Shhh"
Merk says, "The award for Best Individual Puzzle recognizes that single puzzle in a game that stands out for its sheer goodness."
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "well... put."
[peanut-gallery] Jota says, "As opposed to those puzzles with opaque goodness."
[peanut-gallery] Taleslinger asks, "How are presenters chosen?"
Merk says, "Identifying the killer in An Act of Murder, by Christopher Huang as "Hugh Dunnett""
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "Whoever won last year"
DavidW claps
Jota cheers!
yandexx exclaims, "killa!"
Eric claps
McMartin cheers for murder. Er.
lpsmith cheers!
[peanut-gallery] WeirdBeard says, "I prefer control top goodness."
Emerald says, "yay"
McMartin cheers for Murder.
[peanut-gallery] Emily says, "unless that person is nominated again in the same category, in which case someone else is found"
Taleslinger says, "yay"
duesen exclaims, "murder! murder!"
[peanut-gallery] Merk says, "or somebody who's already presenting if not enough to go around."
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline asks (of Sargent), "Now that everyone's looking at me, I looked at myself and noticed that I've got an UOMe/IOU for Child's Play. Want me to just trash it, or do you want it for memories of the sixty smackers that could have been?"
Guest1 goes home.
</Guest1> Well THAT was certainly... interesting.
Miseri checks to make sure that the wireless is turned *off* this time around.
Merk says, "Our second nominee -- Getting the toy from the cabinet in Child's Play, by Stephen Granade"
Jacqueline claps.
[peanut-gallery] Sargent says, "I think you can dispose of it at this point"
McMartin exclaims, "Yay insidious babies!"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline nods.
Emerald says, "w00t BABIES"
Taleslinger claps and claps and claps.
Emily says, "woo"
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "Now that you mention it, I still have my half-award from the year before"
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "I presented an award one year; I was sorta drafted into it."
Eric applauds
lpsmith cheers!
Jota applauds!
yandexx wants a glass of wine
DavidW says, "toy! want toy!"
Merk says, "The thermostat puzzle, in Orevore Courier, by Brian Rapp"
duesen exclaims, "aha!"
McMartin claps
djfletch claps
Jota claps.
Taleslinger says, "Hot!"
Emerald claps
lpsmith updates the BEST INDIVIDUAL NPC entry on the chalkboard.
boucher walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
[peanut-gallery] Emerald says, "I never got anywhere near solving Orevore Courier."
Merk says, "Next, we have: Beating the shark in Slap That Fish, by Peter Nepstad"
lpsmith exclaims, "Sharks aren't fish!"
Jota applauds.
McMartin exclaims, "Flawless victory!"
[peanut-gallery] Emerald says, "It made me feel even stupider than Mobius."
Eric claps fishily
Jacqueline claps.
VictorGijsbers asks, "Finish him?"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "slap that fiah? ha ha ha"
Taleslinger smells something fishy.
Miseri says (to lpsmith), "that's *why* you've got to slap it."
Jota exclaims (at lps), "Tell that to Wikipedia!"
Markov walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Emerald claps
lpsmith exclaims (at Jota), "I will!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "fish even"
lpsmith cheers anyway.
Taleslinger asks (of markov), "You here?"
Markov says (to Taleslinger), "Or actually http://www.valpac.com and I went to food courts every day at about 12:30 (their truck comes in a democracy to participate, participating in a group, right?)"
Markov disappears.
Merk says, "and -- Opening the vault door in Suveh Nux, by David Fisher"
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "Perhaps 'Slap That Marine Lifeform' sounded too saucy as a game title."
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "heehee"
Jacqueline claps.
Eric claps
[peanut-gallery] olethros says, "sharks are fish, surely"
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "IIRC, you actually don't *slap* the shark."
Emerald says, "yay Suveh Nux!"
[peanut-gallery] olethros asks, "confusion with whales/dolphins?"
Taleslinger clpas.
[peanut-gallery] zarf asks, "so how are sharks not fish?"
lpsmith cheers the vault and all the nominees.
Jota claps.
McMartin clap, wave, snap, point
yandexx says, "suveh sensi."
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "late"
Emily claps
Taleslinger claps, even.
Fang claps
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "No, it's that they're cartilaginous. But evidently they are still fish."
Merk says, "All very worthy nominees, undoubtedly.""
[peanut-gallery] baf says (to zarf), "Technically they're classified as insects."
[peanut-gallery] Allen says, "jump the shark, don't slap it"
DavidW says, "Suveh Rah!"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says (to baf), "yay"
Merk fumbles again, this time for the winning envelope.
Guenni pushes button of aplaudinator
Merk drops it; picks it up.
[peanut-gallery] VictorGijsbers asks, "Is it an envelope that wins?"
[peanut-gallery] djfletch asks, "can't humans and fish live in peace?"
Miseri baits breath with xyzzychow.
Merk says, "The winner is -- ... .... .........."
(From Taleslinger) Merk has disconnected.
[peanut-gallery] olethros asks (of baf), "isn't that lobsters?"
boucher disappears through an invisible gap in the MUD. You think you may have heard the sounds of chatting before the gap closed again.
</boucher> Note also how the "Surgery" door has "Surgery" written on the inside, which is helpful if you find yourself masked with a knife in hand poking into innards, wondering what exactly you're supposed to be doing here.
Celestianpower exclaims, "Quit procrastinating!"
Merk says, "Identifying the killer in An Act of Murder, by Christopher Huang as "Hugh Dunnett""
<Lee> Lee has connected to ifMUD.
Sargent says, "Woo!"
Emily says, "wooo!"
lpsmith exclaims, "Yay!"
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says (to djfletch), "You must defeat Shun Sashimi Satsu to stand a chance"
Merk exclaims, "Congrats to all the nominees! Miseri, you're up!"
yandexx exclaims, "Murda!"
Jota exclaims, "Woooooooo!"
DavidW says, "wowza"
yandexx exclaims, "yay!"
Miseri falls out of his seat.
McMartin applauds
Eric claps thunderously
Jacqueline applauds.
zarf says, "yay!"
Emerald says, "yay!"
Merk steps down.
Baryon applauds tumultously
olethros says, "yay! murder!"
Taleslinger says, "Miseri was chosen randomly!"
Merk claps.
Miseri says, "Thank you, thank you...."
djfletch acts a murder
lpsmith says, "Now we have to solve the mystery of who moved Miseri's seat."
olethros says, "haha"
Jacqueline laughs at Taleslinger.
</Markov> Yow. Time for silicone soles.
Jacqueline says, "Congratulations, Mis."
Miseri stumbles to the stage and falls/is pushed/is thrown behind the podium.
VictorGijsbers exclaims, "Hurrah!"
Celestianpower cheers excessively
Merk exclaims, "Congrats, Miseri!"
Lee arrives from the west.
Taleslinger says, "Yay!"
McMartin exclaims, "Hurrah!"
olethros says, "hahahaha"
Miseri asks, "Thanks to everyone who made this good. You know who you are. Am I supposed to speechify?"
Jota exclaims, "Kill someone!"
[peanut-gallery] yandexx asks, "How can you put these people in an imaginary world so they kill each other?"
olethros thuds the floor and shouts "SPEECH"
lpsmith says, "Or give us clues about who did what."
Jacqueline falls over, dead. Her tainted champagne spills on the carpet.
[peanut-gallery] yandexx says, "Poor beings."
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "Well, to be fair, they aren't really very nice people."
Taleslinger says, "Miseri, hold speech"
duesen pokes Jacqueline carefully
Miseri says, "I'd like to thank Professor Plum for the idea, Rev. Green for the spiritual support, Mrs Peacock for the financial backing, Mrs White for feeding me during the long nights of coding, and Col. Mustard and Miss Scarlett for (cough) just being there."
[peanut-gallery] Emily says, "...both at once? my"
VictorGijsbers has made make-shift repairs to the organ, but it only emits a tragic soft wheeze.
lpsmith says, "As it were."
DavidW says, "heh heh"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "I can appreciate that we're listening to Miseri's speech, but doesn't anyone want to solve my murder? Bah."
Taleslinger hands Victor a wrench.
[peanut-gallery] yandexx asks, ""suicide?"
Miseri says, "Thanks to you all. Go, have fun, enjoy."
Taleslinger sniffs champagne.
Eric produces his spare barrel-organ instant repair kit and hands it to Victor.
Emily says, "yay Miseri!"
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "solve your own darn murder"
[peanut-gallery] McMartin says, "Shamefully, I thought that was you idicating your internet cafe time had run out."
[peanut-gallery] Merk says, "The whole game *is* the puzzle. :)"
lpsmith claps and returns to the podium.
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "this isn't the time"
Miseri gets off the stage during a momentary blackout.
Jacqueline was just pretending to be dead. She bounces back up and applauds!
VictorGijsbers instantly repairs the organ.
djfletch says, "yay with the xyzzy award in the auditorium"
Taleslinger falls over, dead from shock.