On March 12th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (10:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you not wish to see those comments, an expurgated version is also available.
lpsmith says, "Next, we have the award for Best Setting. Our presenter for this award is ifMUD's Jacqueline."
Jacqueline rises from her chair and walks to the stage.
Merk says (to drew), "Oh yeah! Woohooo! Maybe I can recruit you again later this year. :)"
wojohz says, "yay time and place as a backdrop for action"
maga asks (of Merk), "he was the one who used anime smileys in every sentence, remember?"
olethros says, "Hooray"
[peanut-gallery] inky says (to maga), "ha ha"
Jacqueline says, "Thank you, lpsmith. It is my extreme honor to present the award for best setting, but I've given this a lot of thought and decided that I really can't do it alone."
robgrassi asks, "is anyone taking a log?"
ChainGangGuy claps for Mohawk Mochak!
DrewMochak says, "...Heh."
maga says, "yay Jacq"
inky says (to robgrassi), "yeah"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "ha ha"
Jacqueline says, "I'd like to introduce a friend of mine. Some of you may remember him from his brief but exciting role in The Fire Tower."
inky says (to robgrassi), "it will be up on brass lantern and the xyzzy site and probably other places like usual"
Bishop exclaims, "Oh, no, a bear!"
lpsmith says (to Jacqueline), "The Flatheads are all busy, I think."
Jacqueline says, "Please give a big round of applause to... TheBear!"
TheBear slowly ambles up the steps, then over to the podium. He glances out at the faces in the audience silently.
Emily backs away slowly
ant applauds wildly
inky says, "don't make any sudden moves, guys"
maga says, "yay ursines"
Rob hides the marshmallows
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "a bear, a bear, etc"
Bishop stands completely motionless.
ParserGirl protects her most of her.
maga hands out bear spray cans
[peanut-gallery] jmac says, "yes."
Rob tries to look bigger
TheBear suddenly rears up on his hind legs, waves his claws about dramatically, and roars in a very menacing way that exposes some very sharp, surprisingly white teeth.
[peanut-gallery] Jota asks, "my kingdom for a bear?"
Lee throws a pot of honey on the stage
wojohz takes the bells off his backpack
inky says, "eyi"
Eric looks in bear-keeping manual.
wojohz says, "to avoid scaring the bear away"
TheBear regains his composure, and rests his front paws on the podium.
Rob says, "gulp"
maga says (to Lee), "uh-oh. now you're in trouble. if the bear doesn't kill you, the ranger will"
Jacqueline shakes her head. "I can't take you anywhere. You love doing that, don't you?"
Bishop says, "Where's Jacq when you need... oh, wait, she's on stage."
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "heh"
Jota opens and passes around his picnic basket.
TheBear lets out a low, growling laugh. "Rar, and thank you. It's great to be here this evening. Be sure to try some of the Alaskan salmon roe caviar that's being passed around in the audience - a real delicacy for an east coast bear such as myself."
inky says, "ha ha"
wojohz says, "hee"
[peanut-gallery] DrewMochak says, "As an Alaskan, I don't know what all the fuss is about."
Norah scopes for napkins
ParserGirl asks, "How can you bear his antics?"
Jacqueline asks, "Bear, the award?"
wojohz says, "that's 'TheBear'"
TheBear says, "Oh right. The next award is for Best Setting. The nominees are..."
DrewMochak throws a drumstick at Parser Girl, bearly missing.
Jacqueline says, "All Hope Abandon, by Eric Eve."
sdee says, "yay!""
wojohz says, "yay settings"
ParserGirl says (to Drew), "Next time don't aim for the nonexistent gap between the r and the G."
wojohz says, "yay Hell"
Merk says, "wooo AHA"
HairBrain says, "infeeeernooooo"
inky says, "AHA? aha!"
TheBear says, "Building, by Mike Tulloch."
Norah says, "yay"
wojohz says, "yay Building"
HairBrain applauds the great indoors!
Merk exclaims, "Woooo for Building!"
Jacqueline says, "Chancellor, by Kevin Venzke."
wojohz says, "hurray switching out settings"
Rob sets off a weird blue strobe light
Merk exclaims, "Woohooo! Chancellor! Awesome game!!"
sdee applauds loudly
olethros exclaims, "hooray!"
JasonD exclaims, "Go Kevin!"
TheBear says, "Distress, by Mike Snyder."
Guest2 says, "We need a Ray Charles number soon."
wojohz says, "woo other planet"
Eric claps again.
Norah exclaims, "yay Merk!"
Merk says, "Woo me."
klimas says, "yay"
sdee says, "woo"
Merk says, "Woo plain, flat desert with nothing around. =)"
mcp arrives from the west.
Norah says, "There was spaceships exploded"
Jacqueline says, "Vespers, by Jason Devlin."
Rob says, "I gotta woman, way cross town"
Merk exclaims, "Go Vespers!"
Norah exclaims, "yay!"
wojohz says, "yay Vespers"
sdee exclaims, "yay!"
Eric claps yet again.
olethros exclaims, "hooray!"
JasonD says, "I hope there's a lot of northerners and Mountain folk out there"
lpsmith cheers the slate of nominees.
TheBear says, "Before we announce the winner, I'd just like to point out that more than one of these games featured hunger as an important element at some point."
Norah says, "Hmm..."
TheBear says, "As I was wandering around in search of food I was really dismayed to see that none of the authors implemented the verb 'hibernate.'"
ParserGirl says, "Uh-oh."
[peanut-gallery] olethros says, "I must say, my two fav games of the ifcomp had been vespers and distress"
wojohz exclaims, "I AM SINISTAR!"
wojohz exclaims, "I HUNGER!"
[peanut-gallery] Merk exclaims, ""Thanks!"
Bishop backs up slowly.
Jacqueline says, "Um, Bear, this isn't about puzzles, it's about setting."
TheBear says, "Oh, right. Without further delay..."
Jacqueline says, "The winner is..."
TheBear says, "A really wonderful game - while it didn't allow me to hibernate, it did allow me to chew on the bodies of plague victims..."
Guest1 exclaims, "VESPERS!!!"
Jacqueline says, "BEAR!"
Norah says, "Ahh"
TheBear exclaims, "Seriously. It's quite the easter egg. Go back and play it and see if I'm not telling the truth!"
wojohz exclaims, "Bear won!"
Jacqueline says, "Vespers, by Jason Devlin!"
Rob says, "eeegh"
klimas says, "yay!"
maga exclaims, "yay!"
olethros exclaims, "yay!"
Merk exclaims, "Wooo Vespers!"
olethros asks, "really?"
HairBrain says, "Chew! Chew!"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay!"
ant goes home.
Eric cheers loudly.
Jacqueline gives Best Setting 2005 XYZZY to JasonD.
olethros says, "I tried everything apart from doing anything with the dead people"
olethros says, "hm"
wojohz says, "yay Jason Devlin"
JasonD says, "Thanks guys. I hope this inspires all of you to go back and try munching on the corpses, they're delicious"
Guest1 exclaims, "yay eating plague victims!"
inky says, "don't forget to tip your waitress"
olethros says, "haha, yay"
Eric asks, "What if theyhave mad corpse disease?"
maga exclaims (at Eric), "you'll be in hell anyway, so you won't care!"
wojohz says, "heh"
lpsmith waits until TheBear is well clear of the stage before returning.
[peanut-gallery] DrewMochak says, "Remember, when you eat someone, you're eating every person taht person has eaten."
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "ha ha"
TheBear ambles back down into the audience.
[peanut-gallery] wojohz says, "heh"
[peanut-gallery] olethros says, "rar"
wojohz cheers Devlin
Lee runs screaming from the room
Jacqueline follows, keeping a close eye on TheBear.
[peanut-gallery] Allen says, "man, I go away for 40 minutes and hardly anything has happened"
robgrassi says, "i still haven't played vespers completely"