On March 20th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (9:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.

 

Massive Auditorium
Crumbling stonework and marble arches create an ancient and vaguely classical atmosphere. It's only bleacher seating, but velvet cushions have been laid down specially for the occasion. Columns covered with frescos displaying scenes from IF history are scattered around, disappearing up into the sky before touching any sort of ceiling. The platform down below has a sign reading "2004 XYZZY AWARDS".

You can see: READ THIS PLEASE, xyzzy drinking game, Note for the Xyzzy awards, a chalkboard listing the XYZZY Award winners
Players: PerrySimm, Sargent, eileen, inky, Paul, JoshuaH, BrenBarn, GregB, Somad, Fang, tilp, Nathan, Marvin, katre, K-Y, Esrom, Bishop, klimas, vbnz, Jacqueline, Jota, TShatrov, Eluchil, rrafgon, DavidW, Jaybird, zarf, DorianX, cendare, Ferret, Kwi, Jon, Duchess, Gunther, maga, two-star, Rob
Visible Exits: west
vbnz says, "howdy all"
Thrax arrives from the west.
Rob takes a seat.
Bishop exclaims (at Gunther), "You were wearing pants in the first place? For shame!"
Rob whistles.
baf walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Thrax takes Rob's seat.
StarAndDan walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Gunther says (to Bishop), "oh shit"
BrenBarn says, "I haven't been to the last couple of these"
Kwi says, "I knew I'd get in trouble with these shoes."
Eluchil shouts, "Check out the murals!"
DavidW says, "Now my outfit is visible."
<Tiko> Tiko has connected to ifMUD.
Rob says (to Thrax), "that was merely a decoy seat you took"
Jota takes a stand.
vbnz jumps for joy
Thrax says, "damn"
(From Thrax) Joy avoids vbnz.
Rob has arrived.
Rob drops fake_Jon_Ingold.
BrenBarn says, "ha ha"
maga says (to Rob), "hooray"
vbnz pursues joy with his laser cannon
DavidW says, "ha"
zarf says, "Chalkboard needs wiped, dude"
Bishop asks (of Rob), "Heh. That's from... 2 years ago?"
Recchi arrives from the west.
Paul has disconnected.
Paul has connected.
inky carefully erases the chalkboard.
lpsmith walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Nathan cracks his neck
Rob says, "let me savor my name on the chalkboard a minute longer"
</Tiko> Tiko has disconnected from ifMUD.
Rob cries
inky says, "aw"
klimas laughs.
BrenBarn says, "your moment of glory is past!"
Paul says, "Bah. Damned dropped connections"
Rob says, "it's going to be a while before I see it on there again, somehow"
BrenBarn says, "rkoif!"
Jon gets fake_Jon_Ingold.
TShatrov says, "x chalkboard"
Bishop can't even remember who this year's sundry nominees are.
Jon asks, "how do i burn this thing?"
Esrom says (to Bishop), "Neither can I."
inky says, "I think you have to duel it"
klimas asks, "use your finger?"
BrenBarn says, "if you burn it, you'll experience horrible voodoo pain"
K-Y asks, "Where are my pins?"
Gunther says, "hmm, no hugo"
Jacqueline says, "Oh it is all so exciting."
DavidW says, "There's an incinerator."
nm walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
BrenBarn says, "you are in the incinerator --- hey, wait a minute, you're french fried alive!"
Jacqueline says (to David), "Nice tux, man."
(From Bishop) Dilbon gets fake_Jon_Ingold.
DavidW says, "thanks"
half arrives from the west.
<neild> The ducks, the ducks, the ducks are the key to the whole damned thing.
Rob says (to BB), "heh"
Jacqueline asks (of David), "Better yet, nice Grand Marnier. Can I have some?"
Jota says, "ey, now we're allowed to look at Jacq."
Rob says, "mm, grand marnier"
</neild> Further Neil was moving to Santa Cruz and would stay "as long as it remains cool."
DavidW says (to Jota), "oh yeah."
Rob asks (of Jacq), "and who are you wearing tonight?"
DavidW says, "hehe"
maga wishes he'd had the foresight to get booze beforehand
Jon walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
<reese> reese has connected to ifMUD.
Jacqueline hands maga a glass of champagne.
Rob says, "adorned in swanky rented jewelry"
Jota says (to maga), "I thought you always kept some on hand."
Jota says, "Or possibly in hand."
zarf hands maga a bucket of gin
Tommy walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Rob says, "next year, I want to arrive in a limo"
maga says (to Jota), "well, I do, but no mixers"
Marvin says, "I just spent half an hour hanging around a booze shop, and I forgot to buy any."
Bishop says, "Damnit, are the finalists listed somewhere? They're not obviously accessible at xyzzynews.com."
inky says (to Rob), "it was enough work just to teleport you in!"
Rob says (to Marvin), "ha ha"
Jacqueline says (to zarf), "Aw. You've upstaged me!"
vbnz says, "just serach for them"
Jota says, "I wonder if I should make popcorn."
zarf says, "http://www.xyzzynews.com/2004finalists.html"
Jacqueline says (to Rob), "Oh, I'll split the rental fee!"
Rob says (to inky), "there will be a year's improvement in transportation technology by then"
</BrenBarn> It reminds me of a French Canadian tennis racket, stuck to the back of a Venus snow-goon, bubbling out of my sister's Brazilian donkey -- I don't think I can make myself any clearer.
<BrenBarn> Swipe the paper from your neighbors, find a bench and read the comics, then look for pictures in the clouds.
maga pours the champagne into the gin and sips gingerly at the result
vbnz makes a large steak and sits down to eat it
DavidW sits on a cushion.
K-Y says, "Ah, that's where the pins are"
Esrom says, "I just took a look. I've never even played most of those games."
reese walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
DorianX enjoys the spiritsmaking abilities of Messieurs Guiness and Bailey.
zarf says, "I thought that was 'spiritsmacking'"
vbnz asks, "who is the announcer for this awards ceremony?"
Rob says, "spiritwraking"
Gunther says, "man, Future Boy is sure nominated a ton of times"
DorianX says (to zarf), "that will come later when the IF starlets are blasted out of their mind on angel dust at the after party"
BrenBarn says, "it seems like the nominees are mostly the same in each category"
Rob says, "I think lpsmith is the emcee this year"
vbnz says, "awesome"
baf exclaims, "Maybe the publicity it gets from this award will enable to sell an extra copy!"
Rob practices clapping
Jota asks, "Isn't it usually Nameless?"
(From BrenBarn) Rob misses his left hand with his right.
Rob says, "lpsmith-who-shall-remain-nameless, I mean"
lpsmith says, "Hee hee"
zarf says, "Nameless was busy with the movie awards in Beijing this year"
(From Rob) so that's the sound it makes
Gunther says, "spoilers!"
vbnz says, "there we go"
Fang asks, "Do we know who nominated Blue chairs for best puzzle yet?"
inky says (to zarf), "hee hee"
Tommy says (to Gunther), "Tessman got 9 nominations out of 10."
Rob says (to inky), "oof, it took me too long to get that"
Rob claps for 'the toilet'
Tommy says (to Fang), "I did. For the signs: I thought they were lovely."
Jon says (to rob), "up the toilet"
baf says, "Hope he wins at least one."