On March 20th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (9:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you not wish to see those comments, an expurgated version is also available.

 

lpsmith exclaims, "OK, next up is the award for Best Individual Puzzle. And here to present is Jon Ingold!"
Rob applauds
[peanut-gallery] Fang asks, "Dark and evil magic?"
two-star clappy clappy clap
TShatrov goes home.
</TShatrov> TShatrov has disconnected from ifMUD.
Eluchil applauds sincerely.
fake_Jon_Ingold walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Jacqueline applauds.
Paul exclaims, "Yay Jon!"
</Dave> Dave goes home.
Rob says, "yay!"
Epsilon goes home.
</Epsilon> "Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing."
Tommy applauds Ingold.
[peanut-gallery] Bishop says, "He probably just wasn't expecting to have to talk."
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "It's hard to write up witty stuff on the spot."
<Dave> Dave, one of the Senators of ifMUD, proposes a Droopy Pants ban bill. "I believe no pants is acceptable and customary. I think regular pants are odd, but tolerable. However, I cannot abide by the sight of Droopy Pants!"
Kwi says, "Yay!"
Rob fake claps
BrenBarn says, "hooray real_Jon_Ingold"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "er. Sorry. Jon broke the mud and had to go."
Gunther says, "We haven't had Recchi's speech!"
vbnz applauds
Dave walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
fake_Jon_Ingold attempt to climb onto the stage but can't, due to having no knees
Jacqueline seconds Gunther.
[peanut-gallery] Rob says (to Gunther), "er, yes we did"
Paul laughs
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "I'll just do this from down here then"
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says (to Gunther), "he said thanks to his testers"
lpsmith walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
DavidW says, "hhehe"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline asks, "Wait, we did?"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "yes"
Jacqueline retracts her second.
tilp leaves the auditorium to the west.
tilp arrives from the west.
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "oh right, I guess we did"
[peanut-gallery] inky says (to Gunther), "Recchi can't talk until we get the five-second-delay profanity filter"
Gunther retracts his first
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says (to Gunther), "Damn you."
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] klimas says (to inky), "ha ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] Paul says (to inky), "HA"
[peanut-gallery] Recchi exclaims, "Yes, I just wanted to thank my keen testers!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says (to inky), "well, fuck that then"
[peanut-gallery] Recchi says (to inky), "Haha"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "oh shit"
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "ha ha ha"
Dave says, "sorry - discombobulated"
fake_Jon_Ingold asks, "Hey. Can you hear me without the mike?"
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "you're killing our primetime ratins, amn"
Thrax combobulates Dave.
Fang says, "No."
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "er, man"
Paul asks, "What?"
Rob asks, "what?"
vbnz says, "no"
Gunther asks, "What about my wife?"
Eluchil asks, "What did you say?"
Dave says, "I got an e-mail from ifbyphone.com"
(From fake_Jon_Ingold) fake_Jon_Ingold tries to bellow but hasn't any lungs
baf says, "We can hear you only without the mike."
Marvin asks, "Mike? Who's mike?"
vbnz says, "no I can not hear you without your wife"
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "it's ok, next year we'll get Carrot Top to emcee"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Mike couldn't come either"
<skousend> Old Mr. Knickerbocker Had a Band
Rob clips a lapel mike to fake_Jon_Ingold's shoulder.
Paul exclaims, "Rob to the rescue!"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "THE AWARD FOR BEST INDIVIDUAL PUZZLE"
baf says, "What? I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."
inky says, "yay a/v support"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Sorry, didn't mean to deafen you there"
[peanut-gallery] inky says (to Rob), "I think something's wrong with the mike -- he's still a little flat"
[peanut-gallery] Ferret surreptitiously changes a baby at his seat.
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "From All Things Devours"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "har har"
[peanut-gallery] maga says, "aie"
[peanut-gallery] Tommy says, "Baf's a trifle deaf."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "(sounds like rising damp to me)"
Jacqueline claps.
[peanut-gallery] Paul says, "Ho ho"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "The Time Puzzle"
DavidW claps!!!
Rob claps
Fang exclaims, "Yay!"
Eluchil applauds heartily.
zarf says, "Yay!"
(From Thrax) The mirror cracks from side to side.
half bites nails.
klimas says, "yay"
Bishop claps.
Recchi applauds
vbnz cheers crazily
Paul exclaims, "YAY!"
Rob claps for the whole game is the puzzle
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "From Blue Chairs"
Thrax says, "yay Tolkien/Tennyson combo"
Rob says, "yay toilet! what toilet? yay"
(From Bishop) Boston claps, then explodes.
DavidW says, "yay toilet!"
[peanut-gallery] Fang asks, "Wanna bet All Things Devours will win?"
Rob claps
[peanut-gallery] Paul says (to Bishop), "ha"
fake_Jon_Ingold's face falls as he thinks about chairs
Bishop says, "Yay, er, whatever it is."
Jacqueline applauds.
Rob says, "ha ha"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "The Toilet"
klimas laughs
Rob claps
BrenBarn says, "hooray for commodes"
Fang is confused, but cheers anyways.
fake_Jon_Ingold's face sinks even lower
Recchi claps
zarf says, "woo!"
Paul says, "Also, hooray for Blue Chairs again"
half claps
Tommy cheers.
Ellison says, "woo"
rrafgon claps
[peanut-gallery] Rob sings, "'cause I can bend my legs at the knee, and I can bend myself at the waist..'
fake_Jon_Ingold exclaims, "From FUTURE BOY!"
Rob says, "!!"
fake_Jon_Ingold exclaims, "!!!"
BrenBarn asks, "there was a puzzle called !!!?"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "the hip carton is connected to the rib carton"
[peanut-gallery] Jota asks, "If BC wins, do we finally get to find out what the toilet puzzle is?"
Paul says, "Yes, it was very exciting"
[peanut-gallery] Bishop says, "If Blue Chairs wins, I will die of amused confusion."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "No, I lost my place on my piece of paper"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Cracking a computer, apparently."
Thrax says, "everyone was enthusiastic about it"
Rob claps
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "HIT COMPUTER WITH ROCK, I reckon"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "sorry about the spoilers"
Eluchil applauds loudy.
Paul exclaims, "Oh yay, I loved that puzzle!"
DavidW claps
Thrax says, "very meta"
Gunther says, "yay footcha boy"
[peanut-gallery] Fang says, "Yes. There will be fart-jokes aplenty."
Recchi cheers
DorianX says, "WAYLAY COMPUTER"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "it seems like there's a much smaller crowd this year than there has been"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "From the Dreamhold"
[peanut-gallery] Paul says, "Agreed"
</jnc> Thus we might have begun this business by saying "Let us take a Universe of Cakes." (Sounds nice, doesn't it?)
[peanut-gallery] Jota says, "Yeah."
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "73"
DavidW says, "oooh"
[peanut-gallery] two-star says, "IF is dead."
[peanut-gallery] Jota says, "Only about sevent of us."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "THE CISTERN"
[peanut-gallery] Jota says (to Gunther), "Minus three bots."
[peanut-gallery] Bishop says (to Rob), "Fine with me. The Xyzzies are usually insane."
maga says, "yay"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "it mainly feels like the normal ifMUD crowd"
Eluchil applauds sincerely.
klimas says, "yay dreamhold!"
DavidW says, "Hooray!"
zarf claps
Paul claps again for Dreamhold
rrafgon says, "yay"
half cheers.
Rob claps
Jacqueline applauds.
vbnz goes home.
</vbnz> vbnz exits with a flash of brilliant light. The re-enters because he forgot his flashlight. Picks it up and walks off in less dramatic fashion by going around the corner to the local dump.
Bishop cheers.
Rob claps louder
Emily walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "yeah, not so many unfamiliar faces"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "plus the crazy russians and their space station"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Whoever gave me this award to present is just rubbing in the whole toilet thing I reckon"
[peanut-gallery] Jota says (to Rob), "Well. 'who' will show a few extra lines, I think."
Thrax says, "yay strange black fluid"
Rob claps for emily's arrival
Recchi applauds the Dreamhold
lpsmith whistles innocently.
[peanut-gallery] baf says, "All the newbies are at the Adrift AIF awards instead."
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "but not zillions"
[peanut-gallery] maga says, "I wonder if you could statistically predict the XYZZY winners by claps"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "And finally-unless-I've-lost-count"
Eluchil exclaims, "Yay, Empress Emily!"
[peanut-gallery] JoshuaH laughs at baf.
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "I forget what that other command I use during the xyzzys that lists user names in a column format"
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "It's also the final day to vote for the AIF Awards."
Emily says, "er, I am not likely to be able to stay long, but hi"
[peanut-gallery] inky says (to Rob), "names"
[peanut-gallery] Jota says, "I bet previous XYZZY awards include some mention of number of attendees inside the transcript somewhere (much like this one now does)."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "The poltergeist in Necrotic Drift"
Eluchil applauds wildly.
[peanut-gallery] Jota says, "For comparison purposes."
Rob claps
klimas says, "yay nd"
zarf says, "yay"
Paul applauds ND again
Rob throws a blue chair at the poltergeist
Fang applauds.
rrafgon applauds
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "I believe we had >100"
BrenBarn says, "hooray for poltergeists"
DavidW claps
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "in one year"
(From fake_Jon_Ingold) The poltergeist falls into a toilet
PerrySimm says, "ha ha ew"
Jacqueline applauds for a funny puzzle she could actually solve!
inky says, "er, window"
Gunther says, "oh that is the puzzle"
Eluchil smirks
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "And the winner is..."
Eluchil claps for all the nominees.
[peanut-gallery] Jota exclaims, "That's two a week!"
[peanut-gallery] Ferret says, "At last year's Smithie Awards for bad films, there was a ghost thwarted by a toilet."
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "that's what she said"
[peanut-gallery] Bishop says, "The bathroom by my office has a poltergeist living _in_ the toilet."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "...could someone open this envelope? I've got no fingers"
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "How Harry Potterish."
Jota exclaims, "Teeth! Teeth!"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "No, no teeth either"
inky asks, "can't you give it a papercut?"
lpsmith steps onto the stage, opens the envelope, and hands the piece of paper inside to fake_Jon.
baf offers a blowtorch to opent he envelope with
Rob gives fake_fingers to fake_Jon_Ingold.
BrenBarn says, "ha ha"
BrenBarn says, "you gave him the finger? the nerve!"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Now I need fake_knuckles, it's just a bottomless pit of expenses"
lpsmith says, "Just call me Bob Fingers."
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Anyway, the winner is HALF SICK OF SHADOWS"
Rob applauds!
half falls off chair.
Fang hurrahs hurrahly!
Trumgottist claps wildly.
inky says, "hooray"
zarf says, "Yay!!"
Paul exclaims, "WOO!"
Thrax exclaims, "half a league, half a league, half a league onward!"
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "I think he should turn a light on"
BrenBarn says, "hooray"
klimas says, "yay!"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay!"
two-star exclaims, "Yay!"
Rob goes back in time and applauds again!
lpsmith cheers!
K-Y says, "Woo!"
Thrax exclaims, "yay Tennyson!"
Paul claps and a half
rrafgon cheers
Eluchil applauds sincerely.
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Come over here and I'll give you the award"
JoshuaH cheers, goes back in time, and cheers again.
DavidW cheers
Tommy claps half.
Kwi claps.
fake_Jon_Ingold says, "Or, you can take it off me anyway."
zarf appears in multiple versions to applaid
Rob goes back in time and applauds again and then runs into himself and esplodes!
zarf says, "and applaud"
Recchi claps!
half falls back onto chair.
K-Y gets confused from still looking up at the stage
Gunther goes back in time to stop rob from running into himself
Paul is half sick of applauding, but the other half still loves it!
fake_Jon_Ingold falls over in the confusion
Thrax says, "goes back in time and disables the mud"
Thrax says, "er"
Rob says, "half, half, half"
fake_Jon_Ingold is extremely annoyed that someone just stood on his head
half shuffles meekly towards the stage.
Thrax says, "sick, sick, sick"
DavidW says, "Congrats, half"
BrenBarn says (to Rob), ""that's one and a half!"
inky says, "half a league onwards, with a hey nonny nonny"
[peanut-gallery] Tommy says, "stands fake_Jon_Ingold back up."
fake_Jon_Ingold gives Best Individual Puzzle 2004 XYZZY to half.
Rob says, "doH!"
klimas says, "yay"
</eileen> eileen has disconnected from ifMUD.
<eileen> eileen has connected to ifMUD.
eileen leaves the auditorium to the west.
Jota cheers and/or claps belatedly.
BrenBarn says, "hooray"
eileen arrives from the west.
fake_Jon_Ingold claps by falling over again
Fang says, "Well Done."
[peanut-gallery] two-star asks, "Hey, who's on chalkboard duty?"
Thrax half applauds
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "me"
Jacqueline claps.
[peanut-gallery] inky asks, "did I do it wrong?"
[peanut-gallery] Tommy says, "Whoops. Didn't mean to say that."
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "oops, extra space"
half coughs a little nervously.
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "different format, too, since you were putting the winner names in parentheses for the earlier ones"
[peanut-gallery] Fang says, "Also, use brackets."
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "oh yeah"
Rob says, "speech"
jon has arrived.
Jota says, "Yeah, what Rob said."
[peanut-gallery] inky says, "it's a good thing this is one of those erasable chalkboards"
Paul exclaims, "Yeah, speech!"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "heh"
Fang exclaims, "Speech!"
jon asks, "what did I miss?"
[peanut-gallery] Tommy asks, "What kind of freaky permanent chalkboards do you use?"
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "As opposed to... nevermind."
[peanut-gallery] (from Jota) inky slathers black paint over the bottom line.
DavidW says, "ha ha ha"
jon says, "someone tied me up into this bloody time-travel game"
[peanut-gallery] BrenBarn says, "inky needs to change his name to chalky"
Jota exclaims (at jon), "What are you doing back here? The awards were last week!"
half says, "Thanks for the award guys. I'm truly happy that my little foray into IF made people happy."
[peanut-gallery] Fang says, "Heh."
[peanut-gallery] K-Y says, "Looks like he's missing some capitalization"
lpsmith cheers.
Kwi claps.
half says, "and maybe kept a few of them up late."
BrenBarn says, "woo woo woo"
GregB says, "was mighty cool, half."
DavidW claps
inky has arrived.
klimas says, "yay"
Tommy cheers.
Rob claps
half says, "That would be cool too."
JoshuaH applauds.
Fang exclaims, "Hurrah for insomnia!"
Eluchil applauds politely.
rrafgon applauds wildly
Jota exclaims, "Woohoo!"
half says, "I suppose I should also say..."
[peanut-gallery] (from Jota) half says, "'Bite me: I rule.'"
skousend arrives from the west.
half says, "that there is a new version up at http://devours.amirrorclear.net/"
[peanut-gallery] Paul says (to Jota), "ha ha"
BrenBarn says, "even more things devours!"
half says, "The infamous post-comp release."
Rob says, "ooh"
K-Y says, "Hooray"
Rob claps
[peanut-gallery] Bishop says (to BrenBarn), "Hee hee."
Paul says, "Yay announcement"
reese claps
half says, "It has all the old stuff pretty much as it was originally, minus a few bugs"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "he's in another time stream where 30 seconds for him equals 8 minutes for us"
[peanut-gallery] DorianX says, "Play him off"
half says, "And an extra 'masochists *ahem* challenge mode'."
baf applauds bugfix release!
zarf says, "yay, I think"
inky says, "yowza"
(From Rob) Bill Conti strikes up the ifMUD orchestra.
Fang exclaims, "Yay for pain!"
JoshuaH cheers masochism.
[peanut-gallery] * skousend has joined the channel.
Kwi applauds masochist/challenge mode.
baf applauds masochism REALLY HARD!
[peanut-gallery] Paul says (to Rob), "Maybe he's just a slow typist"
[peanut-gallery] klimas says, "oh my"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says (to baf), "ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] Fang says, "heh"