On February 28, 2004, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.
lpsmith steps forward to the front stage.
kyria79 exclaims (at gunther), "thanks!"
inky gives backstage pass to yhlee.
lpsmith exclaims, "Hello and welcome to the Annual XYZZY awards for the Games of 2003!"
inky gives backstage pass to PeterN.
Jacqueline asks, "Scootch! Wait, why didn't you scootch here?"
inky says, "woo!"
Paul exclaims, "Yay!"
JessK says, "Yay!"
Rob says, "hooray!"
Sargent says, "Woo! Yay!"
<Guest2> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
maga exclaims, "whoop!"
Kwi says, "Woohoo!"
DavidW says, "yay!"
Guest1 says, "@join #peanut"
Paolo says, "her, yay"
Jota says, "Woot."
lpsmith exclaims, "Our thanks again to Eileen Mullin, founder of XYZZYnews for hosting the event. The year just wouldn't be the same without it!"
brut says, "eeee-haaaa"
yhlee waves her fan enthusiastically.
Guest1 goes home.
</Guest1> Well THAT was certainly... interesting.
kyria79 says, "woo woo woo"
Rob says, "Eileen! rah!"
eileen blushes and waves happily
lpsmith applauds Eileen.
Rob stands up and claps
JessK says, "yay eileen!"
neild exclaims, "Yayy!"
zebulon applauds Eileen
yhlee cheers Eileen.
Sargent says, "yay Eileen, as seen on Orkut!"
Gunther readies the trebuchet.
Random-Q-Hacker claps with one hand.
lpsmith says, "Before we begin, I'd like to remind everyone to keep their arms, legs, and any other appendages in the auditorium at all times. With record attendance expected, but no budget for construction, we instead turned top IF scientists loose on the problem, and the result is the beautiful auditorium you see today..."
eileen exclaims, "I couldn't do it without all of you. Give yourselves a big hand!"
Guest2 arrives from the west.
Sarcasmo claps wildly
Sargent says, "hand-carved using lasers"
<Guest1> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
Rob says, ">GIVE HAND TO SELF"
Guest1 arrives from the west.
lpsmith says, "But as they explained to me a few minutes ago, the quantum tunnelers and time dilation nullifiers they used to create this place are not exactly stable, especially on the edges, and may cause unissirf."
Adam says (to Rob), "In private, please"
zebulon applauds somewhat enthusiastically
Vodel screams in euphoria
lpsmith pauses, squints at the paper he's holding in his hand, turns it upside-down.
lpsmith says, "Frission, sorry."
Gunther says (to Adam), "snrk"
Gunther says (to Adam), "so, are you happy with what you have..."
lpsmith crumples up the paper. "Just, uh, be careful."
eileen says, "hee hee"
<Guest3> The guest should just rest, lest it head west for more quests.
lpsmith exclaims, "So, we begin again, as we do every year, with our first award: Best Use of Medium!"
lpsmith exclaims, "And here to present, the dynamic duo, Earth and Sky!"
Storme says, "yay!"
Gunther says, "hooray"
Jota exclaims, "Woohoo!"
Matthew exclaims, "Hooray!"
baf exclaims, "Yay weirdness award!"
Sargent says, "Yay Earth! Yay Sky!"
Jearl says, "woot!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay!"
DavidW says, "hooray for Earth and Sky!"
Rob says, "part 3! part 3!"
inky says, "here to save the day!"
eileen applauds the presenters
Sargent says, "Yay Fire and Water as well!"
peccable exclaims, "Yay! Superheros!"
Gunther says, "sandy and windy!"
atholbrose whoos again.
Jearl says, "blow something up!"
There is a WHOOSH from above, and a blue-white blur speeds towards the stage. It stops being a blur at the podium, and instead becomes Sky, a college-aged woman in a thick blue body stocking with white streaks.
Rob says, "woo!"
lpsmith cheers and yields the stage.
Artis exclaims, "Yay sky!"
Matthew exclaims, "Wow, what an entrance!"
Sky says, "Uh, hi everybody. I'm supposed to be presenting this award with my brother Austin. I'm not sure where he--"
KERRRRASH! Bricks fly from the back of the stage, and through the sudden hole in the back wall steps Earth, a man in his twenties wearing another body stocking, this one grey with orange streaks.
alkahest smiles and claps
<Ced> om mane padme hom...
Earth exclaims, "Oh yeah! Let's present an award!"
Rob says, "ow! brick! in my eye!"
Sargent says, "EARTH SMASH!"
Sky asks, "'Oh yeah?' What are you, the Kool-Aid man now?"
Ced walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Gunther says, "The 2004 trend: stockings instead of pants"
Rob claps and squints
zebulon cheers wildly
peccable hands Rob a bandaid.
"Well, I thought... I just wanted to make a dramatic entrance." Austin looks sheepish.
Sky looks warily at the ceiling. "You've just incurred a dramatic debt is all. I sure hope this place is insured against acts of superpowered doofuses. Now how about doing the award presentation before you bring this entire auditorium down?"
Rob applauds crazy prose-like dialogue formatting
"Oh, right, of course." Austin steps to the podium and clears his throat. "The XYZZY Award for Best Use Of Medium has a long and controversial history, beginning with a provocative post by Kathleen Fischer back in 1997, which argued that--"
Sky asks, "AUSTIN! Would you please just skip to the good part?"
Earth looks disgruntled, but agrees. "Yes, empress Emily. The nominees are..."
Bishop wanders off to talk to worried-looking representatives of Damage Control.
Guest4 arrives from the west.
Guest3 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Guest4 has disconnected.
Guest4 goes home.
Earth says, "ASCII and the Argonauts, by J. Robinson Wheeler"
Storme says, "yay Rob!"
Gunther says, "HOORAY"
Matthew exclaims, "WOOOOOOO!"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay ASCII!"
Matthew applauds madly.
DavidW claps like Zeus wants him to.
two-star exclaims, "yay!"
Vodel screams in euphoria (again)
JessK applauds ascii
Kwi says, "I love you ASCII!"
Guest4 arrives from the west.
Gunther says, "yay ZEUS"
Sky says, "City of Secrets, by Emily Short"
peccable exclaims, "Yay!"
Storme says, "yay Emily!"
maga says, "yay"
Gunther says, "also yay Empress Emily!"
Matthew applauds and cheers.
yhlee exclaims, "Hurrah!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay Emily"
Sargent says, "woo"
FreakBoy x sky
Sargent says, "City of Multiple Windows"
alkahest exclaims, "yay Emily!"
Jacqueline says, "Woo"
Bishop says, "Yay CoS"
Markov arrives from the west.
atholbrose exclaims, "wuzz!"
Gunther says (to Sargent), "now you gave away the secret, dammit"
brut goes home.
</brut> brut has disconnected from ifMUD.
Sky begins to take a bow, then realizes they're cheering a different Emily.
Kwi cheers wildly, slightly belated.
<brut> brut has connected to ifMUD.
Earth says, "Narcolepsy, by Adam Cadre"
Vodel turns on applause machine and sits back for a nap
inky says, "Zzz!"
Jearl says, "woot!"
zebulon exclaims, "yay!"
lpsmith starts to cheer, but falls aslep.
alkahest exclaims, "yay Adam!"
Matthew applauds and cheers again.
Storme says, "yay Adam!"
Gunther starts applauding but falls asleep
yhlee smiles and claps.
Sargent says, "Yay!"
Paolo exclaims, "Yayay!"
Gunther says, "dammit"
lpsmith says (to Gunther), "HA ha"
Artis covers ears.
Matthew kick's Gunther's chair.
Gunther says (to Matthew), "ah, but I have no chair"
Sky says, "Slouching Towards Bedlam, by Daniel Ravipinto and Star Foster"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay Glulx thingies!"
inky starts sleeping but falls into applause.
brut arrives from the west.
DavidW says, "I liked the puffy window."
zebulon claps wildly
alkahest exclaims, "w00t w00t w00t!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay Slouching"
Sargent plays a recording of him applauding.
DavidW claps as lag allows.
lpsmith starts slouching but sleeps into applause.
Gunther says, "mm, bedlam#"
Bishop exclaims, "Woo Slouching!"
Matthew applauds and cheers yet more still.
kyria79 slouches further
alkahest exclaims, "yay Bedlam!"
Emmett asks, "How do I leave peanut-gallery?"
inky says (to Emmett), "@leavec #peanut"
DavidW says, "yay steampunk!"
Addreamy claps some more
neild says (to Emmett), "@shell"
Earth says, "...and To Hell in a Hamper, by J. J. Guest"
Scott exclaims, "yay Poodle!"
eileen applauds all the nominees
kyria79 exclaims, "yeah hell!"
Chrysoula cheers all the nominees!
inky says, "balloon! mummy! trombone!"
DavidW claps for poodleboy
Rob says, "Aunt Gertie!"
atholbrose yay! YAY!
alkahest claps for all the nominees!
Gunther says, "palimpsest!"
Vodel exclaims, "The Nominess will triumph!"
Sky says, "...and the XYZZY goes to..."
Rob claps more
kyria79 waits with baited breath
Jacqueline leans forward.
KA-BOOM! There is a brilliant lightning flash that blinds you for a moment, and when your vision returns, water vapor trails hang in the air, forming letters that read:
Gunther says, "rob rob rah rah rah"
J_J_Guest bites nails
ASCII And The Argonauts, by J. Robinson Wheeler
yhlee blinks to clear her vision.
Matthew exclaims, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Rob says, "!!"
Gunther says, "YES!!!"
inky says, "yay!!!"
Sargent says, "Yay Rob!"
peccable exclaims, "YAY!"
Storme says, "yay!!!"
Bishop applauds wildly!
Chrysoula says, "WOOOHOO!!!!"
JessK says, "hurray for ascii!!!"
Paolo exclaims, "YAY argonauts!"
zarf says, "Yay"
DavidW says, "YES!!"
Sarcasmo Applauds wildly
yhlee exclaims, "Congratulations!"
Chrysoula says, "Yay Rob!"
lpsmith exclaims, "Yaaay!"
alkahest exclaims, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Storme says, "huzzah for Rob!"
Jacqueline says, "Hooray for ROB!"
Addreamy applauds wildly
Guest4 exclaims, "Hooray!"
Sargent says, "Speech! Speech! And only use ASCII!"
Earth says, "Neat trick."
Ghogg exclaims, "go old school!"
Matthew jumps to his feet and starts applauding like there's no tomorrow.
Chrysoula says, "Yay SPeedIF!"
eileen applauds wildly
Dino says (to Rob), "Congratulations."
Matthew exclaims, "BEST AWARD EVER!"
Rob jumps up from his seat like Roberto Benigni
alkahest exclaims, "ya yay yay!"
Sky says, "That's called 'skywriting'."
Kwi says, "WOOO! ASCII!!"
DavidW says, "Congratulations Rob!"
Vodel applauds a lot
Bishop exclaims, "Hooray SpeedIF!"
Sargent says (to Sky), "boo"
inky says (to Sky), "hee hee"
Chrysoula says, "Ooh! Ooh! Kiss Sky!"
alkahest says, "congrats, rob"
JessK says, "Well done sky"
Rob runs up on stage, trying not to trip.
atholbrose says, "yay ROB"
VOICE OF ZEUS BOOMS, "I AM PLEASED"
zebulon waves a golden fleece
Sky gives Best Use of Medium trophy to Rob.
Rob says (to Sky), "Thanks!"
Matthew cheers and cheers and cheers.
<Guest5> Alex says, "Awwwk! Word on the street is that you are... um, seven?"
Storme says, "two-word parser-style SPEECH!"
Rob says, "Thanks to everybody who voted for this silly game"
Guest5 arrives from the west.
Sky asks, "My pleasure, artist-guy. Maybe you could... draw me sometime?"
Guest5 says, "@join #peanut"
Rob says (to Sky), "rowr"
Jaybird drops Note for the Xyzzy awards.
<Guest6> This little guesty went to market.
Rob says, "The only story I have to share is that last week, I was digging around on my old Apple II disks from 20 years ago, which had my first experiments with IF"
Rob says, "And to my surprise, they all looked just like ASCII and the Argonauts"
zebulon smiles, whistfully
Guest6 arrives from the west.
Rob says, "So in fact it wasn't a Scott Adams parody, it was just a summoning of my sense of humor as a 12 year old"
Guest6 says, "hi all from Italy :D"
Guest5 asks, "whip jota excuse me, do you know how I can join the peanut gallery?"
Rob says, "anyway, thanks!!!"
Sargent says (to Rob), "You're welcome!"
Rob returns to his seat, waving the award over his head
Gunther says, "do not whip the Jota!"
Storme says (to Rob), "yay!"
Matthew applauds and cheers wildly.
Jacqueline says, "Way to go, Rob."
DavidW says, "Thanks for the game, Rob!"
alkahest cheers for stuff IFers did in their pree-teen years
Chrysoula says, "Yay Rob!"
Psmith says (to Rob), "Yay!"
Gunther says (to Rob), "rah rah rah"
Sarcasmo congratulates Rob
JessK says, "Congrats Rob!""
Matthew exclaims, "YAY ROB and YAY ASCII AND THE ARGONAUTS!"
lpsmith cheers, and approaches the stage again.
Random-Q-Hacker says, "hit the jota with the whip instead."
DavidW says, "Rob Rob Rob"
atholbrose claps and whoos.
zebulon exclaims, "Yay two-word parsers!"
Bishop exclaims, "Hooray for adolescence and other silliness!"
lpsmith coughs in all the smoke.
alkahest claps for rob and the game
kyria79 yawns, but recovers with more applause
<Spinster> It brightens at your approach.
two-star clap clap clap clap. clap. clap.
Guest5 says, "@joinc #peanut-gallery"
Gunther says (to guest5), "guests can't join that"
Guest5 says, "sorry. :)"
lpsmith exclaims, "Congratulations, Rob!"
Guest5 goes home.
</Guest5> Alex forgets about the guest. "Now I don't believe in anything!"