On February 28, 2004, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.

 

lpsmith steps forward to the front stage.
kyria79 exclaims (at gunther), "thanks!"
inky gives backstage pass to yhlee.
lpsmith exclaims, "Hello and welcome to the Annual XYZZY awards for the Games of 2003!"
inky gives backstage pass to PeterN.
Jacqueline asks, "Scootch! Wait, why didn't you scootch here?"
inky says, "woo!"
Paul exclaims, "Yay!"
inky claps
JessK says, "Yay!"
Rob says, "hooray!"
FreakBoy cheers!
Paolo Yay!
Sargent says, "Woo! Yay!"
peccable cheers.
<Guest2> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
Bishop claps.
zebulon claps
Sarcasmo applauds
maga exclaims, "whoop!"
Kwi says, "Woohoo!"
Rob applauds
Chrysoula cheers!
Matthew claps.
J_J_Guest cheers
DavidW says, "yay!"
Sargent spplauds.
Addreamy claps
Guest1 says, "@join #peanut"
Paolo says, "her, yay"
Jota says, "Woot."
lpsmith exclaims, "Our thanks again to Eileen Mullin, founder of XYZZYnews for hosting the event. The year just wouldn't be the same without it!"
brut says, "eeee-haaaa"
Jacqueline applauds.
yhlee waves her fan enthusiastically.
Guest1 goes home.
</Guest1> Well THAT was certainly... interesting.
kyria79 says, "woo woo woo"
Rob says, "Eileen! rah!"
eileen blushes and waves happily
lpsmith applauds Eileen.
Matthew claps.
Rob stands up and claps
Kwi claps.
K-Y applauds.
JessK says, "yay eileen!"
neild exclaims, "Yayy!"
atholbrose whoos.
zebulon applauds Eileen
yhlee cheers Eileen.
Sargent says, "yay Eileen, as seen on Orkut!"
Gunther readies the trebuchet.
Emmett applauds
maga wolf-whistles.
Random-Q-Hacker claps with one hand.
lpsmith says, "Before we begin, I'd like to remind everyone to keep their arms, legs, and any other appendages in the auditorium at all times. With record attendance expected, but no budget for construction, we instead turned top IF scientists loose on the problem, and the result is the beautiful auditorium you see today..."
eileen exclaims, "I couldn't do it without all of you. Give yourselves a big hand!"
alkahest cheers
Guest2 arrives from the west.
Sarcasmo claps wildly
JessK applauds
Sargent says, "hand-carved using lasers"
kyria79 cheers
peccable claps.
<Guest1> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
DavidW claps
Rob says, ">GIVE HAND TO SELF"
Guest1 arrives from the west.
Chrysoula cheers!
lpsmith says, "But as they explained to me a few minutes ago, the quantum tunnelers and time dilation nullifiers they used to create this place are not exactly stable, especially on the edges, and may cause unissirf."
Adam says (to Rob), "In private, please"
zebulon applauds somewhat enthusiastically
Vodel screams in euphoria
lpsmith pauses, squints at the paper he's holding in his hand, turns it upside-down.
lpsmith says, "Frission, sorry."
Gunther says (to Adam), "snrk"
Gunther says (to Adam), "so, are you happy with what you have..."
lpsmith crumples up the paper. "Just, uh, be careful."
eileen says, "hee hee"
<Guest3> The guest should just rest, lest it head west for more quests.
lpsmith exclaims, "So, we begin again, as we do every year, with our first award: Best Use of Medium!"
lpsmith exclaims, "And here to present, the dynamic duo, Earth and Sky!"
Rob claps!
Storme says, "yay!"
zebulon yays
peccable cheers!
Gunther says, "hooray"
alkahest claps
FreakBoy cheers.
Jota exclaims, "Woohoo!"
Dino claps
JessK applauds!
kyria79 whistles
Matthew exclaims, "Hooray!"
baf exclaims, "Yay weirdness award!"
Sargent says, "Yay Earth! Yay Sky!"
zarf claps
Jearl says, "woot!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay!"
alkahest claps
DavidW says, "hooray for Earth and Sky!"
Matthew claps.
Rob says, "part 3! part 3!"
inky says, "here to save the day!"
eileen applauds the presenters
J_J_Guest claps!
Sargent says, "Yay Fire and Water as well!"
peccable exclaims, "Yay! Superheros!"
Gunther says, "sandy and windy!"
atholbrose whoos again.
Addreamy claps
Jearl says, "blow something up!"
Vodel cheers
There is a WHOOSH from above, and a blue-white blur speeds towards the stage. It stops being a blur at the podium, and instead becomes Sky, a college-aged woman in a thick blue body stocking with white streaks.
K-Y applauds
Rob says, "woo!"
lpsmith cheers and yields the stage.
Artis exclaims, "Yay sky!"
Matthew exclaims, "Wow, what an entrance!"
Sky says, "Uh, hi everybody. I'm supposed to be presenting this award with my brother Austin. I'm not sure where he--"
KERRRRASH! Bricks fly from the back of the stage, and through the sudden hole in the back wall steps Earth, a man in his twenties wearing another body stocking, this one grey with orange streaks.
alkahest smiles and claps
<Ced> om mane padme hom...
Earth exclaims, "Oh yeah! Let's present an award!"
Rob says, "ow! brick! in my eye!"
Matthew claps.
Kwi cheers.
Sargent says, "EARTH SMASH!"
Sky asks, "'Oh yeah?' What are you, the Kool-Aid man now?"
Ced walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Gunther says, "The 2004 trend: stockings instead of pants"
Rob claps and squints
zebulon cheers wildly
peccable hands Rob a bandaid.
"Well, I thought... I just wanted to make a dramatic entrance." Austin looks sheepish.
J_J_Guest claps!
Sky looks warily at the ceiling. "You've just incurred a dramatic debt is all. I sure hope this place is insured against acts of superpowered doofuses. Now how about doing the award presentation before you bring this entire auditorium down?"
Rob applauds crazy prose-like dialogue formatting
"Oh, right, of course." Austin steps to the podium and clears his throat. "The XYZZY Award for Best Use Of Medium has a long and controversial history, beginning with a provocative post by Kathleen Fischer back in 1997, which argued that--"
Sky asks, "AUSTIN! Would you please just skip to the good part?"
Earth looks disgruntled, but agrees. "Yes, empress Emily. The nominees are..."
Bishop wanders off to talk to worried-looking representatives of Damage Control.
Guest4 arrives from the west.
Guest3 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Guest4 has disconnected.
Guest4 goes home.
Earth says, "ASCII and the Argonauts, by J. Robinson Wheeler"
peccable cheers.
Sargent applauds.
lpsmith cheers!
Storme says, "yay Rob!"
Gunther says, "HOORAY"
zebulon cheers
Sarcasmo applauds
kyria79 claps
Matthew exclaims, "WOOOOOOO!"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay ASCII!"
alkahest claps
Matthew applauds madly.
ZEUS APPLAUDS
DavidW claps like Zeus wants him to.
two-star exclaims, "yay!"
Vodel screams in euphoria (again)
atholbrose claps.
JessK applauds ascii
Kwi says, "I love you ASCII!"
Paolo cheers
Guest4 arrives from the west.
Gunther says, "yay ZEUS"
Sky says, "City of Secrets, by Emily Short"
alkahest w00ts!
peccable exclaims, "Yay!"
Rob claps!
Storme says, "yay Emily!"
maga says, "yay"
zebulon applauds
Gunther says, "also yay Empress Emily!"
Matthew applauds and cheers.
JessK claps
Sarcasmo cheers
Addreamy claps
DavidW claps.
lpsmith claps.
yhlee exclaims, "Hurrah!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay Emily"
Sargent says, "woo"
FreakBoy x sky
Sargent says, "City of Multiple Windows"
alkahest exclaims, "yay Emily!"
Jacqueline says, "Woo"
Bishop says, "Yay CoS"
Markov arrives from the west.
atholbrose exclaims, "wuzz!"
Gunther says (to Sargent), "now you gave away the secret, dammit"
brut goes home.
</brut> brut has disconnected from ifMUD.
Sky begins to take a bow, then realizes they're cheering a different Emily.
Kwi cheers wildly, slightly belated.
<brut> brut has connected to ifMUD.
Earth says, "Narcolepsy, by Adam Cadre"
Rob applauds!
Sarcasmo claps
Vodel turns on applause machine and sits back for a nap
inky says, "Zzz!"
kyria79 cheers
peccable applauds.
Jearl says, "woot!"
zebulon exclaims, "yay!"
lpsmith starts to cheer, but falls aslep.
Addreamy claps
alkahest exclaims, "yay Adam!"
Matthew applauds and cheers again.
Storme says, "yay Adam!"
Gunther starts applauding but falls asleep
Rob laughs
yhlee smiles and claps.
Sargent says, "Yay!"
DavidW applauds.
Paolo exclaims, "Yayay!"
Gunther says, "dammit"
lpsmith says (to Gunther), "HA ha"
Artis covers ears.
Matthew kick's Gunther's chair.
JessK claps
Gunther says (to Matthew), "ah, but I have no chair"
Sky says, "Slouching Towards Bedlam, by Daniel Ravipinto and Star Foster"
Bishop exclaims, "Yay Glulx thingies!"
inky starts sleeping but falls into applause.
brut arrives from the west.
DavidW says, "I liked the puffy window."
zebulon claps wildly
alkahest exclaims, "w00t w00t w00t!"
peccable smiles.
Rob claps
Paolo exclaims, "yay Slouching"
yhlee applauds.
Sargent plays a recording of him applauding.
DavidW claps as lag allows.
lpsmith starts slouching but sleeps into applause.
Gunther says, "mm, bedlam#"
Bishop exclaims, "Woo Slouching!"
Matthew applauds and cheers yet more still.
Jearl claps
kyria79 slouches further
alkahest exclaims, "yay Bedlam!"
Emmett asks, "How do I leave peanut-gallery?"
inky says (to Emmett), "@leavec #peanut"
DavidW says, "yay steampunk!"
Addreamy claps some more
neild says (to Emmett), "@shell"
Earth says, "...and To Hell in a Hamper, by J. J. Guest"
Scott exclaims, "yay Poodle!"
zebulon applauds
Rob applauds
Matthew claps.
FreakBoy cheer!
eileen applauds all the nominees
lpsmith cheers!
Gunther applauds.
Sargent claps.
FreakBoy cheers!
kyria79 exclaims, "yeah hell!"
yhlee claps.
JessK cheers
Sarcasmo applaud
Chrysoula cheers all the nominees!
inky says, "balloon! mummy! trombone!"
DavidW claps for poodleboy
Storme claps
K-Y applauds
Ceryle claps.
Rob says, "Aunt Gertie!"
atholbrose yay! YAY!
alkahest claps for all the nominees!
Addreamy applauds
Gunther says, "palimpsest!"
Vodel exclaims, "The Nominess will triumph!"
Sky says, "...and the XYZZY goes to..."
Rob claps more
kyria79 waits with baited breath
Jacqueline leans forward.
KA-BOOM! There is a brilliant lightning flash that blinds you for a moment, and when your vision returns, water vapor trails hang in the air, forming letters that read:
atholbrose anticipates...
Gunther says, "rob rob rah rah rah"
J_J_Guest bites nails
ASCII And The Argonauts, by J. Robinson Wheeler
yhlee blinks to clear her vision.
Matthew exclaims, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Rob says, "!!"
Gunther says, "YES!!!"
Jota claps.
inky says, "yay!!!"
Sargent says, "Yay Rob!"
peccable exclaims, "YAY!"
Storme says, "yay!!!"
Bishop applauds wildly!
Chrysoula says, "WOOOHOO!!!!"
JessK says, "hurray for ascii!!!"
Paolo exclaims, "YAY argonauts!"
zarf says, "Yay"
DavidW says, "YES!!"
Sarcasmo Applauds wildly
yhlee exclaims, "Congratulations!"
Chrysoula says, "Yay Rob!"
lpsmith exclaims, "Yaaay!"
alkahest exclaims, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Storme says, "huzzah for Rob!"
Jacqueline says, "Hooray for ROB!"
Addreamy applauds wildly
J_J_Guest claps!
Guest4 exclaims, "Hooray!"
Sargent says, "Speech! Speech! And only use ASCII!"
Earth says, "Neat trick."
Ghogg exclaims, "go old school!"
zebulon cheers
Matthew jumps to his feet and starts applauding like there's no tomorrow.
Chrysoula says, "Yay SPeedIF!"
eileen applauds wildly
FreakBoy cheers.
Dino says (to Rob), "Congratulations."
Matthew exclaims, "BEST AWARD EVER!"
Rob jumps up from his seat like Roberto Benigni
alkahest exclaims, "ya yay yay!"
Sky says, "That's called 'skywriting'."
Kwi says, "WOOO! ASCII!!"
DavidW says, "Congratulations Rob!"
Vodel applauds a lot
Bishop exclaims, "Hooray SpeedIF!"
Sargent says (to Sky), "boo"
inky says (to Sky), "hee hee"
Chrysoula says, "Ooh! Ooh! Kiss Sky!"
alkahest says, "congrats, rob"
JessK says, "Well done sky"
Rob runs up on stage, trying not to trip.
J_J_Guest cheers!
atholbrose says, "yay ROB"
VOICE OF ZEUS BOOMS, "I AM PLEASED"
zebulon waves a golden fleece
Sky gives Best Use of Medium trophy to Rob.
Rob says (to Sky), "Thanks!"
Matthew cheers and cheers and cheers.
<Guest5> Alex says, "Awwwk! Word on the street is that you are... um, seven?"
Storme says, "two-word parser-style SPEECH!"
Rob says, "Thanks to everybody who voted for this silly game"
Guest5 arrives from the west.
Sky asks, "My pleasure, artist-guy. Maybe you could... draw me sometime?"
Guest5 says, "@join #peanut"
Rob says (to Sky), "rowr"
Jaybird drops Note for the Xyzzy awards.
Sky blushes.
<Guest6> This little guesty went to market.
Rob says, "The only story I have to share is that last week, I was digging around on my old Apple II disks from 20 years ago, which had my first experiments with IF"
Rob says, "And to my surprise, they all looked just like ASCII and the Argonauts"
zebulon smiles, whistfully
lpsmith laughs.
Guest6 arrives from the west.
yhlee grins.
Rob says, "So in fact it wasn't a Scott Adams parody, it was just a summoning of my sense of humor as a 12 year old"
Guest6 says, "hi all from Italy :D"
Guest5 asks, "whip jota excuse me, do you know how I can join the peanut gallery?"
Rob says, "anyway, thanks!!!"
Jacqueline grins.
Sargent says (to Rob), "You're welcome!"
Rob returns to his seat, waving the award over his head
Gunther says, "do not whip the Jota!"
Storme says (to Rob), "yay!"
Matthew applauds and cheers wildly.
Jacqueline says, "Way to go, Rob."
DavidW says, "Thanks for the game, Rob!"
alkahest cheers for stuff IFers did in their pree-teen years
Chrysoula says, "Yay Rob!"
Psmith says (to Rob), "Yay!"
Gunther says (to Rob), "rah rah rah"
zebulon cheers
Sarcasmo congratulates Rob
JessK says, "Congrats Rob!""
Matthew exclaims, "YAY ROB and YAY ASCII AND THE ARGONAUTS!"
peccable cheers.
zarf claps
Addreamy cheers
lpsmith cheers, and approaches the stage again.
Random-Q-Hacker says, "hit the jota with the whip instead."
K-Y applauds
DavidW says, "Rob Rob Rob"
atholbrose claps and whoos.
zebulon exclaims, "Yay two-word parsers!"
JoshuaH claps.
Bishop exclaims, "Hooray for adolescence and other silliness!"
lpsmith coughs in all the smoke.
alkahest claps for rob and the game
kyria79 yawns, but recovers with more applause
<Spinster> It brightens at your approach.
two-star clap clap clap clap. clap. clap.
Guest5 says, "@joinc #peanut-gallery"
Gunther says (to guest5), "guests can't join that"
Guest5 sighs.
Guest5 says, "sorry. :)"
lpsmith exclaims, "Congratulations, Rob!"
Guest5 goes home.
</Guest5> Alex forgets about the guest. "Now I don't believe in anything!"