On March 2, 2002, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, without comments made on the #peanut-gallery discussion. Should you wish to see those comments, they are also available.

inky says, "well well"
</CaptainObvious> CaptainObvious has disconnected from ifMUD.
<CaptainObvious> CaptainObvious has connected to ifMUD.
inky climbs up on stage yet again.
CaptainObvious gets Sargent's Deservedly-Famous XYZZY Awards Bacon Snack Bars.
inky says, "and here to present Best Writhing, the giant snake from--"
BrenBarn says, "anaconda!"
Gunther says, "2!"
inky says, "oh, wait, sorry"
Jacqueline says, "Heehee"
inky wipes off his glasses.
Adam says (to inky), "The bright side of the snake kingdom!"
DavidW asks, "No snake?"
Psmith says, "yay Janitor."
Jota exclaims, "Yay, anaconda!"
elf says (to BrenBarn), "Waaaaaaaait."
Trent laughs
DavidW says (to Psmith), "Of course."
CaptainObvious drops pac man ghost.
CaptainObvious drops Sargent's Deservedly-Famous XYZZY Awards Bacon Snack Bars.
two-star exclaims, "Kingdom of Reptilia!"
Gunther says (to jota), "you only say that because you have not seen the movie"
elf says (to BrenBarn), "That's the worst movie ever made by a Peruvian."
BrenBarn says, "I was talking about the game"
CaptainObvious says, "bummer"
Rob says, "which is saying a lot"
Jota says (to Gunther), "I'm not talking about the movie. I'm talking about the multiplayer not-really-IF game."
inky says, "here to present Best Writing, Delarion Yar, from Fallacy of Dawn"
Rob claps.
Gunther says, "Yar's Revenge!!"
BrenBarn says, "hooray"
Storme says, "yay FoD"
Adam says, "Yar's Revenge!"
Jota claps.
Iain says, "Porn! Porn! Porn!"
Jacqueline golf claps.
Adam says, "Bah, timing"
Iain says, "No, wait."
Photon woos.
Jimbo says, "Yay, Yar."
Paul exclaims, "Yarrrrr!"
elf says (to Rob), "Actually, there aren't that many movies made by Peruvians, so no, it's not saying a lot. It's worse than that."
Sousa exclaims, "yay Yar!"
Delarion has arrived.
Delarion walks up to the stage
elf says (to Rob), "I hope it is the worst movie that will ever be made by anybody remotely connected to Peru."
Gunther says, "Del! You da man!"
Gunther throws Ree at the stage.
Delarion says, "Hi, uh, everyone... (geez, lots of people here today).... ulp"
Delarion pops a pill
Iain says, "Hmm, I hope this guy can read the autocue"
maga says (to Iain), "it'll be a lot more fun if he can't"
Delarion exclaims, "Alrighty! Best Writing Award, comin' on up!"
Delarion says, "Text adventures occupy a very special place in my heart. While all other games in all other genres are getting buggier and less stable as the years go by, if 2002 is any indication, text adventures are becoming more robust and occasionally even getting better testing than some commercial games."
Harry leaves the auditorium to the west.
</Harry> Harry has disconnected from ifMUD.
schep cheers!
gayla applauds wildly.
Delarion says, "If, as an example, things keep getting worse for the Massively Multiplayer On-Line Role Playing Game genre, it won't be long before a box goes on the shelf that contains nothing on the CD but a "void main()" a couple of braces, and a REM statement that says "insert game here"..."
Photon agrees.
Stas nods.
Delarion says, "along with a piece of paper with instructions on where to download the 1.01 "Engine, Logic, Gameplay and Graphics" patch."
Delarion says, "(You'll then be told that you are "user number 114,046 out of 221,982" when trying to *get* the patch... natch.)"
Stas nods again.
Paul laughs
BoingBall says, "hee hee"
JJGuest goes home.
</JJGuest> JJGuest has disconnected from ifMUD.
MadMonk agrees.
Delarion says, "In fact, things are so bad with commercial releases that publishers are already looking to you guys to help out the next couple of fiscal years. For instance, I've got it on pretty good authority that..."
Sousa laughs
Delarion says, "Earth & Sky 2: Another Earth, Another Sky (by Paul O'Brien) will be picked up by Sierra due to its first place finish in the 2002 Comp. Sierra will go on to release 41 different editions, among them the Gold Edition, Platinum Edition, Game of the Year Edition, and 'White Platinum GotY Edition' in which the CD jewel case is an actual Faberge Egg."
Jimbo chuckles.
Rob claps
Storme says, "woo woo"
Gunther says, "yay!"
BrenBarn says, "ha ha"
Jimbo and claps.
Iain says, "Yay!"
Jacqueline laughs.
Iain pre-orders.
Photon laughs.
MadMonk claps.
maga says, "ha"
Delarion says, "(...and that's not even including Earth & Sky 2: Blue Shift, and Earth & Sky 2: Opposing Force, both of which get to market before Team Fortress II.)"
elf boils a egg
elf says, "a->an"
Gunther orders the Faberge version.
Sousa laughs again
Delarion says, "Electronic Arts picks up The Moonlit Tower, by Yoon Ha Lee..."
Rob claps
Jacqueline claps.
Matthew claps.
Iain says, "John Madden Tower!"
maga says, "yay moonlit"
Gunther turns on the Negative Ion Generator.
BrenBarn says, "ha ha"
Jimbo cheers
Sousa exclaims, "yay!"
Delarion says, "... and attach American McGee to it. 'American McGee's Yoon Ha Lee's The Moonlit Tower' goes on to outsell both the McGee Alice and Oz games, even though EA's request to make the porcelain mask more "edgy" by having it display a constant, uncomfortable leer goes unimplemented."
Iain says, "Hee hee hee."
Storme says, "heehee"
KF goes home.
</KF> KF has disconnected from ifMUD.
Gunther says, "I wonder what outsells Daikatana."
Jacqueline says, "Yay!"
Jimbo laughs.
Photon says, "hahaha"
Paul says, "heh heh"
Gunther says, "wait, I wonder what DIDN'T outsell Daikatana."
Trent Laughs
Stas asks, "Who will take the SMTUC?"
Delarion says (to Gunther), "The full release of And the Waves Choke the Winds does, but not until 2013."
Storme says, "ha"
BrenBarn says, "yay!"
Gunther says (to Delarion), "I won't even finish it until then!"
Rob says, "hooray"
Jacqueline says, "Heehee"
Delarion says, "3D0 makes a strong offer for Savoir Faire, by Emily Short..."
Rob claps
Jimbo cheers.
Storme says, "yay"
Jacqueline claps.
maga says, "yay"
Gadget goes home.
</Gadget> It looks like space itself is cut open. A beam of light expands to form a rectangle of light. Gadget steps into the light, which disappears behind him, closing like a zipper.
Gunther says, "heh 3D0"
Delarion exclaims, "... and after their first release in years of a game that does not somehow include the subtitle "Army Men" or "Sarge's Heroes," they actually turn a profit that quarter!"
<Guest3> The guest should just rest, lest it head west for more quests.
(From Emily) Sarge sighs.
LoneCleric suddenly realizes Yar is listing nominees, feels stupid.
Delarion says, "(No, I'm only kidding. The successful commercial release of Savoir Faire will still somehow cost Trip Hawkins fifteen million dollars. Mee-oww, Tripster!)"
Guest3 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
MadMonk cheers.
Delarion says, "Activision makes an offer for Till Death Makes a Monk-Fish Out of Me! by Jon Ingold and Mike Sousa..."
Rob caps
Rob claps too
Jacqueline claps.
Jon wants animations in his game
Adam caps Rob's ass
Photon boos Activision.
gayla goes home.
</gayla> gayla has disconnected from ifMUD.
Delarion says, ".. and, inspired by their acquired Infocom intellectual property, they put the game on the shelves in a giant plastic monk-fish head, Suspended style. These things eventually go for over $200 unopened on eBay, so be sure to stock up."
inky says, "yay monk-fish head"
Jacqueline says, "Yay!"
Trent says, "Yay"
BrenBarn says, "ha ha monk-fish"
Gunther says, "flying demonic monk-fish head!"
Delarion says, "And finally..."
Delarion says, "Microsoft makes J.D. Berry an offer he can't refuse for When Help Collides."
Stas says, "Sure -- I'll order a carload."
schep falls over.
Gunther says, "(the offer being: "Give me or you die")"
Jacqueline says, "Gates is a smart man!"
<gayla> gayla has connected to ifMUD.
Jacqueline says (to Gunther), "Heehee"
Photon rolls on the floor, laughing.
BrenBarn asks, "Where do you want to collide today?"
gayla walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
Jacqueline claps for WHC.
Sousa says, "whoo hoo..."
Delarion says, "When Help Collides is included as a launch title for the X-box II, which of course means that nobody on a PC or a Mac ever gets to play it, and that it is still retailing for $49.99 two years after the console launches. On the other hand, driving the Help Ship in this version is pretty fawking cool."
maga says, "yay Help"
Gunther says (to BrenBarn), "Clippy!"
Jacqueline says, "Yay!"
Ced expects to see Geisha Simulator 4 (joystick version)
Iain says (to Delarion), "But there are non-standard verbs attached to the two joysticks! It'll never work!"
Jacqueline says, "Rowr"
Delarion says, "The XYZZY for Best Writing goes to...."
<Bishop> "hey there," Poot said to Cat. "hi there," Cat said to Poot. "hi," Poot said to Cat. "hello," Cat said to Poot.
Delarion says, "(Porn was right, these envelopes are hard to-- oh)"
<ghira> Ghira has arrived. Quick, hide your chocolate and ricotta cakes!
Delarion exclaims, "This year's XYZZY for Best Writing goes to The Moonlit Tower by Yoon Ha Lee! Congratulations!"
mef rolls up a drum...
ghira walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
maga cheers insanely
Rob CLAPS!
Photon applauds.
Psmith says, "yay!"
devil says, "Porn is *always* right."
Storme says, "YAY!"
JessK says, "Hooray Moonlit Tower!"
BrenBarn says, "yay!"
Jota applauds.
Emily says, "YAY"
Gunther says, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Paul exclaims, "YEAH!!!"
inky says, "yay moonlit tower!"
eileen cheers loudly
Sousa exclaims, "yay!!"
maga exclaims, "Yay!"
Jimbo cheers.
BoingBall says, "yay"
Iain says, "Yay Moonlit Tower!"
elf says, "Congrats"
Jacqueline says, "Wow! Yay!"
veek says, "woot"
BrenBarn says, "huzzah huzzah"
Jon claps away
maga stomps his feet
elf asks (of veek), "What is woot?"
MadMonk crashes the cymbals!
DavidW says, "wow. cheers."
devil says, "Whoo"
Paul exclaims, "Y! H! L! Y! H! L!"
Jimbo says, "Go, Tower."
two-star exclaims, "Yay!"
schep cheers.
atholbrose claps.
Photon exclaims, "Yay mythical symbolism!"
gayla cheers.
ghira says (to elf), "woot is an expression of approval"
Iain says, "And a XYZZY for a first-time IF writer!"
elf says, "Woot."
elf asks (of ghira), "Whyt?"
Delarion asks, "Yoon isn't here, right? Do we give these things to Glasser in that case or something?"
BoingBall says (to elf), "no, "woot""
elf says (to BoingBall), "I understand. Woot."
inky says, "I guess she's not here"
elf says (to BoingBall), "I was asking whyt woot."
Ced woots, having just found out how to do it
inky says, "well, you can just hang onto the award for now, then"
ghira says (to elf), "tradition"
Delarion hops off the stage
inky says, "and on her behalf, I would just like to say that she's coming out with a much longer, even more detailed game"
Rob drops fake Yoon Ha Lee.
elf says (to ghira), "Never heard it IRL."
MadMonk believes it's actually spelled "w00t"
DavidW says, "claps for Yoon"
BrenBarn says, "wow, yay"
inky says, "I'm not sure if she is, but that's what I'd like her to say"
Gunther says, "oooo"
Recchi walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Emily says (to inky), "ha"
Iain says (to inky), "Hee hee."
ghira says (to elf), "neither have I. I think it's an ifmud tradition"
BrenBarn says, "hooray"
eileen exclaims, "Funny!"
Gunther says, "b+(the above)"
maga says (to inky), "YES"
elf says, "w00t"
DavidW says, "yay for new Yoon game in progress"
elf says, "Y00n"
Iain says (to Recchi), "Hey, you missed the Porn! And this weird junkie guy!"
Bishop walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Recchi exclaims (at Iain), "Blast it!!"
two-star says (to elf), "W00t is a general leetspeak thing, not specific to ifmud at all."