On March 2, 2003, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, without comments made on the #peanut-gallery discussion. Should you wish to see those comments, they are also available.

Massive Auditorium
Either in an attempt to get back to nature or because somebody forgot to trim the shrubberies properly, the auditorium for this year's ceremony has been transformed into a large outdoor setting. The stage itself is made from crudely-carved logs, their tips gnawed into shape by cheerful beavers. The traditional gold pillars are there to flank it, but ivy twines its way up the sides and curls around the tip. Meanwhile, the audience is left to sit on the soft grass of a hillside and admire the banner up near the ceiling (cunningly painted to resemble a blue sky) which reads "2002 XYZZY AWARDS". Doors back indoors are to the west.

You can see: READ THIS PLEASE, xyzzy drinking game, a chalkboard listing the winners
Players: Adam, PerrySimm
Visible Exits: west
Jota arrives from the west.
Gadget arrives from the west.
Paul arrives from the west.
Sargent arrives from the west.
Gunther arrives from the west.
Psmith arrives from the west.
eileen arrives from the west.
Jaybird arrives from the west.
gayla arrives from the west.
BenCaplan arrives from the west.
Jearl arrives from the west.
ParserGirl arrives from the west.
devil arrives from the west.
Stas arrives from the west.
JessK arrives from the west.
veek arrives from the west.
watson arrives from the west.
Photon arrives from the west.
two-star arrives from the west.
nm arrives from the west.
katre arrives from the west.
Matthew arrives from the west.
Oren arrives from the west.
inky hollers, "Welcome to the awards! S/E/S from the lounge, or XYZZY!"
Sand arrives from the west.
Jon arrives from the west.
DavidW walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
<stephenb> stephenb has connected to ifMUD.
Emily walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
<Ced> Ced has connected to ifMUD.
Jaybird hollers, "Auditorium now open"
BoingBall arrives from the west.
fitzroy arrives from the west.
inky arrives from the west.
baf walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
LoneCleric arrives from the west.
Recchi arrives from the west.
eileen reminds everyone to put away their cell phones
<perwil> perwil comes crashing in through the window...
Jaybird asks, "Um, what's south of here?"
Ryan walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Adam says, "Mexico"
inky says (to Jaybird), "er, yeah, I guess e/s/e"
Jacqueline walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
inky says, "picky picky"
schep arrives from the west.
Gadget dances around the room
Ryan says, "That banner up near the ceiling needs some editing."
Ryan says, "Oh, wait."
nm goes south, making a run for the border.
Rob walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Matthew says (to Ryan), "I don't think so."
Matthew asks (of Ryan), "These are the awards for 2002, right?"
Jota asks (of Ryan), "Because the object isn't implemented?"
JessK glowers in Ryan's general direction until Ryan nervously shrinks from sight.
dfan arrives from the west.
devil says, "There was a thing about a bouncer, last year."
devil says, "Or maybe it was the year before."
Adam changes the banner to read '1972 Democratic Convention'
JessK finds a good seat.
Matthew leaves, quickly.
perwil hollers, "Anyone know where the ceremony is?"
Stas asks, "What channel is popular today?"
Jarb materializes.
inky hollers, "type xyzzy"
<Jimbo> Jimbo has connected to ifMUD.
Gadget concentrates, and disappears.
Gadget walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
nm brandishes his ritual knife. "Ceremony?"
Ced walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Adam says (to Stas), "@listc -recent"
Ryan says (to Matthew), "Yes, I already noticed my error and backtracked on my statement."
perwil walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Stas takes a comfortable sear at the grass.
</stephenb> stephenb has disconnected from ifMUD.
perwil exclaims, "hi all!"
Ced leaves the auditorium to the west.
Gadget says, "Hi perwil"
<Sousa> Sousa has connected to ifMUD.
<stephenb> stephenb has connected to ifMUD.
Ced arrives from the west.
Jimbo arrives from the west.
Jon asks (of Sousa), "Mike?"
<maga> I don't think there is any objective truth. Also, I've been eating too many cheese sandwiches.
maga walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Jacqueline says, "Hello, maga."
maga says, "hey hey"
Gadget says, "hi maga"
Jimbo says (to jacq), "Hi, Jacqueline"
Photon says, "Hi maga."
Gadget says, "Oh and hi Jaqcueline"
Jacqueline says, "Hello, Jimbo," and takes a sip of her champagne.
Sargent has arrived.
Gadget shows off his tux.
Gunther says (to Jon), "Mike ain't here yet"
JessK snags a glass of champagne.
nm says, "Hi, Jacqueline," and takes a sip of her champagne.
Jimbo says (to ced), "Hi, Ced."
Jota says (to Gadget), "Er. I see nothing special."
DavidW sashays and sparks across the room.
Jacqueline says (to nm), "No matter. It's a bottomless glass."
Fink-Nottle walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
<JJGuest> JJGuest has connected to ifMUD.
Adam says (to Jacq), "Good, because it's a bottomless ceremony"
Gadget says, "oooww 1 minute to go"
Adam says, "No pants allowed"
Ced says (to jimbo), "(going deaf) Hi Jim - thought you coun't make it"
<andreaw> andreaw has connected to ifMUD.
Sargent says, "No pants, no shoes, no xyzzy award"
BenCaplan uses its lightsabre to destroy adam! The lightsabre makes its characteristic zzzshuuww noise.
nm says (to Adam), "I always thought have a traditional Betazoid ceremony would be best"
Jimbo says (to ced), "Switched plans at last second."
Jacqueline says (to Jota), "I love the platinum tux, by the way."
Storme walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
Iain walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
nm looks at Jota.
maga says, "iainstorme"
Iain says, "'allo."
DavidW asks (of BenCaplan), "That's Aargain's lightsabre, eh?"
Iain says, "Yay XYZZYs!"
Gadget looks at Jota.
<Sietse> Sietse appears in Dorm A, significantly lowering the average age in the MUD.
BenCaplan says, "I don't remember where I got it."
Sietse arrives from the west.
Stas looks at Jota.
Gadget asks, "What does this gold sphere do?"
gayla looks at Jota.
DavidW says (to Ben), "You probably picked it up in the lounge."
Photon twitches.
schep asks (of Gadget), "what sphere?"
maga says (to gadget), "generally it bounces away into darkness"
DavidW says (to Gadget), "It rolls. And you can throw it."
This evening's host, Nerd42, strides up to the podium.
Matthew laughs.
veek laughs
Sargent says, "though sometimes we all get unlocked id powers from it."
schep applauds.
Matthew applauds.
<zugzwang> Zugwang lands, closes umbrella.
Jaybird exclaims, "Yay Nerd42!"
inky has arrived.
Jota asks, "Slightly bad taste, no?"
Emily has arrived.
DavidW says (to Jaybird), "And how often is that said."
stephenb arrives from the west.
Sousa arrives from the west.
eileen has arrived.
Ced readies his champagne bucket in case anyone gets so excited they need dousing.
Gadget says, "yay Eileen"
Recchi walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Jimbo says, "Hi, Recchi"
</andreaw> *** You have won! ****
DavidW checks out the outfits.
<andreaw> andreaw has connected to ifMUD.
Jaybird drops Note for the Xyzzy awards.
Jon says, "Jon doesn't really know how, to be fair"
</JJGuest> JJGuest has disconnected from ifMUD.
<JJGuest> JJGuest has connected to ifMUD.
Jacqueline says (to David), "I wished everyone got dressed up."
Gunther says (to Jacqueline), "I am!"
(From Adam) Bob Dole says, "Bob Dole doesn't know how either"
Jacqueline says (to Gunther), "Ha. Right."
Gunther says (to Jacqueline), "But I *did*"
DavidW says (to Gunther), "Nice t-shirt, there."
Iain says (to zugzwang), "Hey, did you write Constraints? I thought that was great."
Stas smokes his stinking cigar.
Recchi exclaims (at Jimbo), "Hey, hey, man! How are you!"
JJGuest arrives from the west.
Gunther says (to iain), "except he's not here"
Iain says (to Gunther), "It's a puzzle for him!"
Jearl says, "I was going to wear a Little Black Dress, but Crango has clawed my shoulders up"
Sargent says (to Jearl), "heh"
Jacqueline says, "Ouch."
Gadget asks, "Did it start yet?"
Jacqueline says, "Not yet."
veek says (to Gadget), "it's over already."
Gadget says (to veek), "Dang"
Jacqueline says (to veek), "Heehee"
Gadget says (to veek), "Should not have gone to the toilet"
Gunther says (to veek), "Nasdrovje!"
maga says (to gadget), "you're just lagging a lot"
Jimbo asks (of recc), "great, thanks. You?"
JJGuest says, "hello DavidW"
BenCaplan notices that his clock is off, bcause it reads 12:35
DavidW says (to JJGuest), "hi"
zugzwang arrives from the west.
Stas says (to veek), "If you're interested, I'm native Russian. So I can speak Russian."
veek says (to Stas), "I figured."
<Trent> Calculus for Biology Majors : What is the smallest spherical cow that could maintain its body temperature? The smallest cubical cow?
Jimbo says (to sousa), "Mike, glad you could make it."
nm says, "the ceremony actually starts after a certain number of moves, not at a specific time"
Jacqueline says, "Heh"
Paul says (to nm), "hee"
Sargent says, "As soon as we get the key from the busker, we can get the next award"
BenCaplan exclaims, "Then let's get moving!"
Jota says, "Ceremonies never start 'on time' -- if they did, half the attendees would be late."
DavidW takes a sip of his wine spritzer.
Matthew says (to Jota), "True."
baf has arrived.
<Guest1> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
inky has arrived.
eileen hands out more programs, disposable cameras, and Tic Tacs
Jacqueline says, "People in the east have it made. It's almost 10am here... this feels more like an evening event."
Stas says, "Yep, Zarf is still not here."
JessK leafs through program
Jacqueline says (to Eileen), "Thanks."
veek hands out Altoids, the curiously strong mints
Jimbo says (to eileen), "Thanks, Eileen."
Sousa exclaims (at LoneCleric), "How are you bud!"
inky checks his special XYZZY Awards watch
Jacqueline says, "Invariably there are some people who will completely miss it and be really mad later."
Gadget chokes on a tic tac
boucher materializes.
inky says, "still three minutes to go!"
two-star turns off his cell phone.
LoneCleric says (to Sousa), "Great."
DavidW reads program, then folds it into a crane.
Nate materializes.
neild materializes.
BenCaplan says, "Eileen, I never got a program."
Jimbo says (to lonecl), "Hi, LC."
Ryan says (to BenCaplan), "Get with the program!"
Acapnotic materializes.
Jearl starts eating her program, the tension is just that high.
Inso walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
olethros A transdimensional doorway rifts open the fabric of space time. A gnarled, deformed arm extends towards Olethros, handing him something. 'Your change, sir' a voice says from beyond the portal.
eileen gives BenCaplan two programs, one to read and one to stroke and hum to.
Trent walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Gunther says (to eileen), "TSD"
Jacqueline asks (of Jearl), "Why are you turning blue?"
Banichi materializes.
andreaw arrives from the west.
reillyb materializes.
Trent leaves the auditorium to the west.
BenCaplan says, ">X PROGRAM I don't see that here."
Trent arrives from the west.
Gunther says, "Hi Andrea"
Sargent says, "I'm sure the tympani will let us know when the ceremony is about to start"
Adam says (to Jacq), "She is a Hindu god and her image inducer is failing"
Jacqueline says, "Heehee"
andreaw says, "Hi Gunther, Hi everybody"
<kairo> kairo has connected to ifMUD.
DorianX materializes.
Gunther says (to Adam), "Wishnu!! Nooooo!!"
Trent says, "Hello everyone."
Emily says (to BenCaplan), "Look, we couldn't afford to get anything actually printed up. Just try not to draw attention to these things..."
Paul offers Jearl a peanut.
BenCaplan says, "oops."
Jacqueline says, "Hello, Trent. Nice threads.]"
Stas exclaims (at Trent), "Hi!"
Jearl says, "whew, now that you all know I can finally relax my arms"
Guest1 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
two-star says (to bencaplan), "well, you'll just have to use your imagination like the rest of us."
kairo arrives from the west.
Gunther says, "und Hallo Kai"
Sietse changes clothes so swiftly, you never get a glimpse.
DavidW says (to Sietse), "nice"
Sietse says, "thanks"
Gunther uses super-slomo to see Sietse change anyway!
inky steps up to the microphone and taps it a few times.
Sietse screams, his honour offended!
inky says, "testing, testing, TESTIN-- oh, whoops"
Matthew exclaims, "WOO inky!"
Matthew claps.
Gunther says, "MY EARS"
maga claps
JessK claps.
Paul applauds
JJGuest says, "yay!""
Photon cheers.
Jimbo says, "and they say there's no feedback in IF."
Jacqueline applauds.
eileen claps, then shushes herself for silence
Recchi says (to jimbo), "ah-hahah"
inky says, "Hello everyone, and welcome to the 2002 XYZZY Awards!"
Iain says, "Yay!"
Matthew cheers.
<liza> Join us for five thrilling evenings of chamber music
maga exclaims, "Wooo!"
Gadget says, "YAY"
Jearl says, "woot"
Iain says, "Ponies!"
Jarb says, "shazamm"
Trent applauds
Jacqueline claps.
Jon exclaims, "jolly good!"
Jarb whistles.
Iain says, "Och dammit!"
liza arrives from the west.
Photon exclaims, "Yay!"
BenCaplan faints from nervous tension.
Jon exclaims, "right-ho squire!"
BenCaplan recovers.
two-star pounds his elbows.
maga hurls his underwear at inky
Jacqueline claps for maga.
Paul pounds two-star's elbows
Sargent waits patiently
JJGuest joy
inky says, "I'd like to start off with an apology for the auditorium - there were some cost overruns last year, and what with the bad state of the economy, and FrobozzCo's shares being down, and to make a long story short, we had to sell off the walls"
andreaw says (to Hallo), "Kai"
nm faints, starts a fistfight, and finally has to escape through the back exit
inky says, "but on the plus side, we have this great new outside area"
andreaw says (to Kai), "Hallo"
Rob says, ">X WALL You don't see any wall here."
Gunther says, "Enron AuditoriumQ"
Jacqueline says, "Yay! Outdoors! Woo!"
devil says, "Huddle for warmth!"
maga exclaims, "Hooray for cheerful beavers!"
Sargent says, "Massive Auditorium Field at TBD Park"
Jearl starts the s'mores
Sietse bathes in the setting sun.
inky says, "and, thanks to the cheerful beavers, we have this stage, and the termites' union have arranged for later disposal, so we should be all set"
<Limax> Tintinnabulo ergo sum
veek lodges a massive attack on the Massive Auditorium
Trent laughs
Matthew exclaims, "Yay beavers!"
inky says, "therefore, without further ado ..."
Storme says (to veek), "yay"
Jon opens umbrella in expectation
Iain says, "First, some more ado!"
Iain dances on tables.
ParserGirl says, "Much ADO"
Matthew chuckles.
Gunther says (to Iain), "that was much ado about nothing, man"
BenCaplan says, "Limax said, 'I make a sound like the ringing of bells, therefore I am.'"
Droke gombs the stage
inky says, "I am pleased to announce the Best Use of Medium Award, as presented by the Droke, from the Gostak"
Trent says, "YAY!"
Iain says, "Wukka!"
Rob claps.
gayla cheers.
Matthew distims applause.
</Limax> When someone tells you to "have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.
Gunther distims.
Photon exclaims, "Bal!"
DavidW gasks.
kairo clap
Jaybird yayayayayaayayaa
andreaw claps
Sietse applauds
eileen cheers heartily
Jimbo cheers
Trent cheers
JessK claps.
Sargent says, "yay"
Jearl whistles and tondams
Sietse says, "Woohoo!"
veek claps with clapping spoons
Recchi claps!
ParserGirl attempts to start the Wave.
Jota applauds the Droke.
Iain says, "Yergo felp, junty punty!"
Paul can't remember how to applaud in gostak-ish.
Sousa claps!!
Stas waves.
Droke doatches, "It was rorm to reb that there are still halpocks being tunded, and a mavrous feshary of them at 'ifarchive'."
nm is the only other person who does the Wave
DavidW says, "Doatchage! Doatchage!"
Psmith tunks the droke.
Jon opens a notebook
gayla looks around for Babel Fish.
BenCaplan continues the Wave!!!
Droke doatches, "Like most drokes, I was very stam of halpocks when I was bewly."
Sietse kisses the droke left, right, left.
Photon says, "Zank him."
DavidW says (to Psmith), "You tunk the droke as much as the next gomda."
andreaw stands up for the wave
Adam mutters, "Lighan Ses Lion wuz robbed"
Matthew says (to DavidW), "Yay."
Matthew says (to Adam), "No kidding."
Gunther says, "I want to see the droke's krovvy"
Droke doatches, "Except for one thing: none of your halpocks are in English!"
nm decides to slishet and viddy well...
Emily laughs
Droke doatches, "No, they're all motched with dass dedges like 'This is an open field west of a white house' and 'The sun has gone'. I don't recognise those dapes."
Droke doatches, "Even one with a murr English musny like 'Zork' is in the same wainted dapery. What's more, there's no zorking in it."
Droke doatches, "Anyway, here I am, 'tunseler for the rebbage' as the Cobbics doatch, to abvate 'Best Use of Medium', whatever that is."
Jearl zorks ribaldly
Iain says, "Hee tee."
Psmith says, "hey, keep it clean."
Droke doatches, "I'll do what I can to disdombit their musnies for you."
Droke doatches, "The moftials for 'Best Use of Medium' are:"
Droke doatches, "'Lock & Key' (Roggler & Reggler), by Adam Cadre"
DavidW gasks stamly.
JessK applauds
Droke doatches, "'When Help Collides' (When Brolges Doalm), by J. D. Berry"
Gunther yays.
Emily says, "woo"
Sousa applauds
Sargent says, "woo"
andreaw applauds
Gunther says, "all of them, of course"
Sietse cheers
Matthew claps and claps.
Paul applauds
veek ayas throughout
Recchi cheers!
Droke doatches, "'Earth and Sky 2: Another Earth, Another Sky' (Fosk and Brangy, or maybe Brangy and Fosk, I'm not sure which), by Paul O'Brian"
maga says, "yay"
Droke doatches, "'Photograph' (Something like Distim-tavidloukage, if there's any fesh in that), by Steve Evans"
Photon applauds for Droke.
Jimbo cheers
Sargent says, "yay! and ha!"
Matthew claps.
Sietse Waves his lighter in the air.
Sousa exclaims, "yay!"
kairo applauds
Jacqueline says, "Woo!"
Matthew claps.
JessK yay
Paul claps more
DavidW says, "woo!"
Gadget says, "yay"
Droke doatches, "'Savoir Faire' (I couldn't doatch. This is English?), by Emily Short"
JessK says, "whoops, yay."
maga says, "WOO"
Matthew cheers.
Sietse clapclap
Recchi exclaims, "yay!!"
Psmith says, "yay all."
liza says, "Yay"
Gunther says, "woo woo"
Sargent says, "woo woo"
Jimbo woo-hoos.
maga claps
Rob claps
Paul says yay!
Iain says, "FOSK FOSK FOSK"
Recchi cheers!!
Droke doatches, "And the gnurrer is..."
Trent cheers
veek says (to Iain), "OCH WITH THE FOSKS"
Gunther says, "Go distim a dosh!"
Sousa claps!
Storme says (to veek), "man, that sounds filthy"
Iain says (to veek), "Talk to me after the show."
Matthew laughs.
(From Gunther) Storme says "OI!
(From Gunther) "
Droke skobes the envelope
maga bites his tongue
DavidW flomes!
Droke doatches Brangy and Fosk 2: Another Brangy, Another Fosk
Jota cheers!
Photon claps.
Matthew claps.
Gunther applauds.
gayla applauds.
veek says, "woot."
eileen stands and cheers
Sargent says, "yay!"
Iain says, "Wow."
Storme says, "yay!"
inky applauds.
Jimbo cheers wildly.
BenCaplan gives program to eileen.
Gadget exclaims, "Whoohoo!"
JessK exclaims, "hooray!"
DavidW yay!
dfan says, "Wooo"
Paul falls over
Rob claps!
Jota exclaims, "Woohoo!"
Jearl says, "Branky and Fosk!"
Iain says (to Paul), "YAY"
Sousa applauds!
Sargent says, "Woo Paul!"
LoneCleric claps.
schep applauds!
inky says, "yay smashing"
Storme says (to Paul), "woo!"
Rob says, "Paul! Paul!"
Jearl applauds
nm claps
JJGuest says, "Yay!""
Jacqueline says, "Yay Paul!"
andreaw woooo
Sietse clappers
Paul approaches the stage
Recchi exclaims, "Way to go, Paul!"
Oren claps
Jon asks, "So that's a winner then?"
Paul bows to the Droke
Jacqueline says, "Speech!!"
Storme says (to Jon), "yes"
Photon applauds Paul.
Droke fargishes Best Use of Medium trophy at Paul.
BoingBall claps
Sargent says (to Paul), "Slarr! Slarr for Branky and Fosk!"
ParserGirl claps demurely with askew hands.
kairo applauds
Jimbo exclaims, "Speech!"
two-star exclaims, "Yay!"
eileen says, "Speech, speech!""
Paul says, "THIS MOMENT IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME...""
andreaw exclaims, "Speech!!!"
Jota exclaims (at Paul), "Doatch! Doatch!"
Gunther says (to Paul), "Doatch!"
Paul says, "No, really, it's about my size."
Gunther says, "timing"
Sietse pings a penknife to his champagne-glass.
(From Sietse) = PING! PING!
BenCaplan says, "Timing is impossible on a MUD unless you can touch-type, which I can't."
Paul says, "Thank you so much. This is really thrilling.""
DavidW claps lustily.
Jimbo cheers
Iain says (to BenCaplan), "Hey, watch where you're putting your hands."
Adam announces the formation of Reggler, Roggler, Brangy & Fosk, Attorneys at Law
Jacqueline whistles.
DavidW says (to Adam), "hee"
BoingBall says (to adam), "ha"
Gunther says (to Iain), "remind me to tell you about my new BoobyKeyboard later"
Matthew claps again.
maga says (to Adam), "yay"
Paul says, "I also want to say that the other four nominees in this category were also great, clever, innovative uses of IF, and if you haven't played them yet, go do it now."
BenCaplan says, ">X HANDS I don't see that here."
Jon asks, "So that's what Best Use is for then?"
Trent asks (of Adam), "Copyright Attorneys, surely?"
Jon says, "Good on everyone"
Jon says, "but you especially"
Paul bows humbly, and steps down from the stage.
zugzwang claps
Adam says (to Trent), "But of course"
gayla claps
Jimbo claps.
Rob claps
DavidW cheers.
Sargent applauds.
JessK claps
Jota applauds some more.
Psmith applauds.
Sousa claps
Jacqueline applauds wildly, nearly spilling her champagne.
Jon salutes a fine game
Gunther says, "Yay Paul!"
DavidW takes a sip of his wine spritzer.
Jimbo cuts Jacqueline off.
Matthew claps.