On February 28, 2004, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you not wish to see those comments, an expurgated version is also available.

 

lpsmith says, "Next up! 'Best Individual Puzzle'."
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline asks, "Wait. What kind of cookie?"
[peanut-gallery] Sargent says (to zarf), "only if there's cayenne in them"
Rob claps
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says (to yhlee), "ooo. nice."
[peanut-gallery] Iain says, "Mnf nmf crackers chomp."
Scott hands a slice of pizza to you.
lpsmith exclaims, "And here to present, Adam Cadre!"
zebulon exclaims, "Yay puzzles!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "cheez-whiz cookies"
Rob says, "yay Adam!"
Matthew claps.
Paolo exclaims, "yay adam!"
kyria79 cheers
JessK says, "yay"
inky says, "yay Adam"
DavidW claps.
JoshuaH cheers.
yhlee applauds.
Paul exclaims, "Yay Adam!"
Gunther says, "yay Adam"
zarf says, "yay"
Rob claps
J_J_Guest exclaims, "Yay!"
BoingBall claps
Sargent says, "woo"
[peanut-gallery] two-star is munching on plantain chips.
Jearl says, "wooot!"
K-Y applauds for Adam
Iain says, "Adam, eh? He's a real puzzle, that man."
Guest7 says, "cheer"
Adam says, "Like Lucian just said, I'm presenting the award for Best Individual Puzzle"
zebulon exclaims, "Yay Adam!"
Emmett cheers
J_J_Guest claps
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "I'd rather have an origami leaf, so give me the cookie please, and I'll trade with Yoon."
Kwi exclaims, "Woohoo!"
Matthew claps.
Adam says, "The descriptions are pretty vague, so I'm including transcripts of the relevant portion after announcing each nominee"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "Oooh. Dealin' and wheelin'."
peccable cheers!
Sargent asks (of Adam), "Wait, what are you doing?"
Matthew says, "Yay."
Photon claps.
Rob says, "excellent"
Paul exclaims, "Cool!"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee winks.
peccable says, "cool."
[peanut-gallery] Paolo says, "cool"
Adam says, "The nominees are:"
Jearl says, "spoilers!"
[peanut-gallery] zarf distributes cookies liberally, and says "shush now."
Matthew says (to Jearl), "HA ha."
Adam says, "Escaping the quicksand in Max Blaster and Doris de Lightning Against the Parrot Creatures of Venus by Dan Shiovitz and Emily Short"
[peanut-gallery] Sargent says (to zarf), "yay!"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "I thought about doing something like that"
peccable applauds.
Adam | Oh no! You have fallen into quicksand!
Adam |
[peanut-gallery] Jacqueline says, "Yes, Papazarf."
Sarcasmo applauds
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 says, "that's a mouthful"
[peanut-gallery] JessK says, "munches cookie quietly"
Matthew cheers and applauds insanely.
Rob claps and laughs
yhlee applauds.
DavidW claps.
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, ">ESCAPE QUICKSAND"
[peanut-gallery] Ced asks, "Just give us the solutions, why not?"
lpsmith laughs and laughs.
[peanut-gallery] Iain says (to Rob), "Well, you could give everyone a danish."
Adam | >THRASH AROUND
Adam | You only sink further into the quicksand! Only your head remains
Adam | above the surface!
Adam |
maga says, "yay"
Guest5 goes home.
</Guest5> Alex forgets about the guest. "Now I don't believe in anything!"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee passes the leaf to Jacqueline, and munches.
Sargent says, "woo"
zebulon claps
Adam | >SCREAM
Adam | Your scream attracts the attention of a malicious-looking
Adam | adventurer, who grins and laces up a pair of steel-toed kickin'
Adam | boots. "Terry, please, oh god you can't--" you gasp, but it is
Adam | too late.
Emmett cheers for Empress Emily!
BoingBall exclaims, "yes!"
[peanut-gallery] baf says, ">KICK HEAD"
Dino disappears through an invisible gap in the MUD. You think you may have heard the sounds of chatting before the gap closed again.
Jearl says, "eeeagh"
Rob says, "yay"
Matthew falls over.
Gunther cheers.
DavidW says, "hahaha"
Paul exclaims, "Yay puzzle parodies!"
Adam says, "Making the sandwich in Max Blaster and Doris de Lightning Against the Parrot Creatures of Venus by Dan Shiovitz and Emily Short"
Kwi says, "Eeaagh!"
Psmith says, "eeeagh _and_ yay."
yhlee laughs.
peccable grins. "Evil." :)
Rob applauds!
Matthew claps and claps and claps.
Rob says, "yay sammich"
Paolo exclaims, "yay sandwich!"
zebulon grins
Adam | >PUT LETTUCE ON BREAD
Adam | Done.
Adam |
Rob says, "hee hee hee"
Gunther says, "yay dual nomination"
Adam | >PUT TOMATOES ON BREAD
Adam | Done.
Adam |
peccable says, "I love this puzzle."
[peanut-gallery] Sargent says, "'Terry, please, oh God you can't put mayo on that--'"
DavidW says, "yay"
Adam | >PUT CHEESE ON BREAD
Adam | Which cheese do you mean, the Montgomery Cheddar, the Emmenthal
Adam | Reserve, or the Cave-Aged Gruyere?
Adam |
Rob can't clap for laughing
inky says, "ha ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] Paul exclaims (at Sarge), "yay!"
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "s/mayo/cheez-whiz"
Matthew laughs.
Iain says, "Heh."
Adam | >VELVEETA
Adam |
Sargent says, "woo!"
Kwi laughs.
JoshuaH laughs.
lpsmith claps and laughs.
Adam | C:\>
DavidW says, "oh no!"
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "if only making the sandwich had been like that"
maga says, "huzzah"
Jearl asks, "what kind of cruel world makes such a confounding sandwich?"
Gunther says, "HA HA HA"
Paul exclaims, "HA HA HA HA!"
Chrysoula giggles.
yhlee groans and grins.
Matthew falls over again.
Jacqueline laughs.
JessK says, "lol"
Steve says, "HA HA HA"
Sargent says, "Ha!"
Photon laughs.
peccable exclaims, "Yay! More evil!"
Ced boos velveeta
Emmett says, "That's 'Emmenthal,' not 'Emmett.' I am no cheese."
Rob claps!
alkahest says, "heheheh"
inky says, "I coded the part with the tomatoes!"
DavidW says, "hee hee"
[peanut-gallery] Spinster asks, "Burger King, the text adventure?"
[peanut-gallery] Dino says, "Somebody let me know when this award is done, I don't want to read these transcripts."
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says, "Best. Presentation. Ever. (Or, if not, it's at least really great.)"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "Note to self: Stick to PBJ..."
Adam says, "Creating the black powder in Risorgimento Represso by Michael J. Coyne"
Guest4 puts Cheeze-Whiz on his sandwich.
[peanut-gallery] Ghogg says, "we'll need Pierre back to rescue us from culinary disaster"
peccable pokes Emmett.
Rob clapsa
peccable says, "I think you are..."
Matthew claps.
yhlee applauds.
Adam | They said you'd never be able to land a job at the finest
Adam | restaurant in town, but you proved them wrong. And now, after
Adam | fifteen long years as a dishwasher, you have finally been
Adam | promoted to assistant waiter. There's just one line you need
Adam | to learn. You practice it in the mirror every night. "Would
Adam | you like some fresh ground pepper on your risotto?" "Would
Adam | you like some fresh ground pepper on your risotto?"
Adam |
kyria79 cheers
J_J_Guest thinks mmmm. Sandwich.
lpsmith claps
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says (to Dino), "they're made up"
[peanut-gallery] Jota says (to Dino), "Read the transcripts."
Photon exclaims, "Yay gunpowder!"
[peanut-gallery] baf says, "Note to self: When a bottle says 'shake well', there's usually an implied 'with the cap on'."
JessK says, "yay rr"
peccable exclaims, "Risotto! Yay risotto!"
zebulon smiles
Adam | >DROP RISOTTO
Adam | You place the risotto on the table in front of the customer.
Adam |
Dino walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
DavidW says, "yay"
Adam | >SAY LINE
Adam | "Would you like some fresh black powder on your risorgimento?"
Adam |
[peanut-gallery] Paolo says, "lol"
kyria79 exclaims, "go RR!"
[peanut-gallery] Dino says, "I knew that."
Gunther says, ""Risotto," Poot said to cat."
Adam | ...dammit.
Adam |
Adam | "Er, I think so?" the customer says uncertainly.
Adam |
alkahest says, ":)"
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "Good thing we have these cookies, or I'd be, um, hungry. Or something."
Adam | >GRIND PEPPER
Adam | You create the black powder. Half an hour later you are
Adam | back washing dishes.
inky says, "ha ha ha"
Matthew says, "Hee hee."
Rob claps
yhlee chuckles.
Kwi says, "Woo!"
Sargent says, "yay"
DavidW claps
Jacqueline says, "heh"
Photon says, "haha"
zebulon says, "Geez, everybody knows yu don't have black powder with risotto"
Jearl says, "wacky"
Jacqueline says, "yay"
Adam says, "Getting into the farm in Risorgimento Represso by Michael J. Coyne"
Paul says, "hee hee."
Matthew claps.
[peanut-gallery] zarf says, "no smoking in the kitchen, I guess"
yhlee applauds.
Photon climbs a tree.
Chrysoula cheers puzzles!
Gunther says, "yay other dual nominee"
Adam | >ENTER FARM
Adam | "Well, all raht, yew kin stay the naht," the farmer says.
Adam | "Jes make sure yew stay 'way from mah innocent yit busty
Adam | dawter Lurlene. Whut'd yew say yer name wuz, agin?"
Adam |
kyria79 says, "double-double nominees"
lpsmith cheers!
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "Best award announcing ever."
Rob says, "ha ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] Iain says (to zarf), "Really? I must be doing something wrong."
Jacqueline applauds in a delicate, ladylike manner.
Adam | >GIVE BUSINESS CARD TO FARMER
Adam | The farmer squints at the card. "All raht," he says, "I'll
Adam | git yer room ready for yew, Mr. Makane."
Gunther says, "ha ha ha"
maga says, "hooray Farmer's Daughter"
Paolo says, "eheh"
inky says, "HA"
[peanut-gallery] BoingBall says (to DW), "indeed, instant classic"
Jearl says, "oh dear"
Psmith says, "ha!"
Storme says, "ha"
Rob claps and claps
Paul says, "heh"
Bishop exclaims, "Ha!"
Jacqueline says, "HA!"
DavidW says, "ha ha ha ha"
JessK says, "ha!"
atholbrose giggles.
Photon falls over laughing.
Sargent says, "hee hee"
Matthew claps.
Random-Q-Hacker says, "The winner is...buying the farm from RR."
Kwi laughs.
zebulon laughs hysterically
Jacqueline says, "Hooray."
kyria79 says, "hehehe""
two-star gasps. "Oh, no..."
Adam says, "The Purple Room in The Recruit by Mike Sousa"
JoshuaH exclaims, "roffle!"
Guest7 says, "applaud"
Jearl says, "eeagh the horror"
Rob claps
Adam | ARRGH!! That dirty commie's bullet grazes your left thigh
Adam | right as you plug him between the eyes with your assault
Adam | rifle. But what did you expect? They always put the new
Adam | recruits on the front lines.
Adam |
Jacqueline applauds.
kyria79 rattles noise maker
Chrysoula says, "Yay recruit!"
Matthew claps.
eileen applauds all the nominees
peccable cheers.
yhlee claps.
Addreamy claps
Adam | >N
Adam | Purple Room
Adam | You are in a room with some sort of animate cartoon
Adam | character in the form of a slender young woman, dressed
Adam | all in purple, with purple hair and a slight purple tinge
Adam | to her skin. "Hello, I'm Purple!" she says. "Welcome back
Adam | to your Young Lady's Illustrated Primer!"
Adam |
peccable says, ""Yay for puzzles!""
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, ">DOWNLOAD GOATSE PIC"
Chrysoula says, "Yay!"
[peanut-gallery] josh_g says, "oh geez, I suck"
lpsmith exclaims, "Yay!"
inky says, "hee hee"
Sargent says, "woo"
Storme says (to Adam), "heeheehee"
[peanut-gallery] josh_g asks, "are the awards now?"
Sarcasmo laughs
Paul says, "Yay Stephenson ref"
peccable exclaims, "Yay Neil Stephenson!"
Guest1 says, "4q69[1[A[6~"
DavidW says, "oh my"
Matthew says, "Ha ha ha."
Adam | >SAY I AM NOT A YOUNG LADY
Adam | "You've no doubt come to me to talk about the changes
Adam | your body is going through as you blossom into womanhood,"
Adam | Purple says. "But don't worry, honey, because I'm here to
Adam | answer any questions you might have!"
Adam |
Jearl says, "eeagh!"
peccable says, "I'm sure she is..."
Storme says, "aie"
Sargent says, "yow"
Adam | >SAY I AM 22 YEARS OLD AND MALE
Adam | "For instance," Purple says, "My sensors detect that you
Adam | are bleeding. Don't worry! This is perfectly normal. It's
Adam | all part of a process called menstruation!"
Adam |
Gunther says, "yay Neal Manners"
DavidW says, "*GASP*"
kyria79 covers her ears
Paolo says, "ahah"
yhlee says, "Oh dear..."
alkahest says, "heheheheh ...."
peccable blinks.
Sarcasmo is scandalized
Dino says, "heh"
peccable says, "Wow..."
Adam | >SAY I AM BLEEDING BECAUSE I WAS SHOT
Adam | "See, every month the lining of your uterus thickens in
Adam | case you become pregnant," Purple explains. "But if that
Adam | month's egg is not fertilized, the uterus discards the
Adam | lining, which is where the blood comes from!"
Adam |
[peanut-gallery] Rob says, "whoosh"
Chrysoula snickers.
Bishop falls over.
Matthew laughs.
Paul says, "ha ha ha"
[peanut-gallery] josh_g frantically looks for a way to the award room, gets lost, smacks head into wall.
zarf has a bag over his head
Kwi says, "Won't somebody think of the children?!"
Gunther says, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha etc."
peccable laughs.
Guest1 says, "[6~[5~u"
<Guest2> I'm not here to be entertained! Stop amusing me!
[peanut-gallery] Gunther says, "'xyzzy'"
kyria79 asks, "are there diagrams?"
Adam | >SHOOT PURPLE
Adam | Your commanding officer emerges from a hidden doorway
Adam | as Purple screams and dies. "Good work, soldier!" he says.
Adam | "For both exercising your Second Amendment rights and
Adam | protecting your country from the scourge of sex education,
Adam | please accept this medal from the Bush Administration!"
DavidW says, "ha ha ha"
josh_g walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
peccable draws a face on zarf's bag..
Spinster says, "Uh, I have a paper from my parents that says I don't have to watch this scene spoiler."
Sargent says, "Man, this is not at all what I expected from Photopia 2"
Guest2 walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
maga says, "yay"
Paul exclaims, "HA HA HA!"
Paolo says, "ah ah"
Storme says (to Sarge), "yay"
JoshuaH appluads.
Iain says (to zarf), "That's due to a perfectly normal part of puberty called 'acne'."
Ced laughs
Bishop exclaims (at Sargent), "Ha!"
yhlee rolls on the floor laughing...
Gunther cheers Adam
Paolo claps
Matthew raises an eyebrow, but doesn't clap.
alkahest exclaims, "HAHAHAHAH!"
inky says (to Iain), "ha ha ha"
Adam says, "And the winner is..."
Sarcasmo laughs hysterically
DavidW says, "HA HA HA"
FreakBoy starts drumroll.
Jacqueline says, "ha"
kyria79 pauses
atholbrose applauds for the presenting!
brut says, ":)"
Adam says, "...the Recruit by Mike Sousa!"
Jearl . o O ( I remember more knobs in that room )
inky says, "woo!"
Rob applauds!
peccable cheers.
Gunther says, "woo Mike"
Matthew claps.
Sargent says, "yay!"
[peanut-gallery] Paolo says, "great presentation"
J_J_Guest exclaims, "Yay!"
zarf says, "Yay!"
Jearl says, "wooo!"
eileen applauds wildly
peccable says, "That was all kinds of crazy."
Sarcasmo applauds
Guest4 exclaims, "Hooray for Mike!"
Rob says, "and a host of others"
lpsmith cheers!
Iain says (to Jearl), "Sheesh, stop lowering the tone."
zebulon cheers
Addreamy claps and cheers and whistles
Paul exclaims, "YAY RECRUIT! GO MIKE!"
peccable smiles.
Photon applauds.
JessK says, "hurray!"
Storme clap clap clap
Jota applauds.
JoshuaH cheers.
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "I wish that had showed up in color on my client."
Jearl says (to Iain), "hee"
atholbrose applauds for the winner! huzzah!
Guest7 exclaims, "Woo!"
Iain says, "Yay Mike Sousa!"
alkahest says, ":)"
Iain says, "I hear he's a dude!"
J_J_Guest exclaims, "woohoo!"
alkahest exclaims, "yay!!!!"
Random-Q-Hacker exclaims, "Hooray for sex education!"
Dino claps!
yhlee cheers.
DavidW claps.
Rob claps
Storme says (to Iain), "ha"
alkahest exclaims, "yay mike!"
Kwi claps.
Paolo exclaims, "yay surprising awards!"
Gunther says, "Radical like Al!"
DavidW gives presentation a standing ovation.
[peanut-gallery] Dino says, "Wow, that was fabulously crazy."
alkahest claps!
Bishop exclaims, "Yay Recruit!"
Photon claps for Adam.
JessK says, "great presentation"
[peanut-gallery] Chrysoula says, "Wow, indeed."
zebulon cheers Adam
[peanut-gallery] Storme says, "Jon will be so pleased to see Mike Sousa described that way"
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 asks, "is there an award at the end for best presenter?"
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says, "No."
[peanut-gallery] Gunther asks (of Storme), "?"
Rob whistles and cheers
[peanut-gallery] alkahest exclaims, "should be!"
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says (to kyria79), "At least not an official one."
[peanut-gallery] yhlee says, "Maybe there should be."
[peanut-gallery] DavidW says, "I'm still laughing."
lpsmith heads up to the stage.
[peanut-gallery] Paul says (to kyria), "Oh, we're not a competitive community"
[peanut-gallery] Storme says (to Gunther), "every time Jon mentions Mike Sousa it's as 'hes *such* a dude!'"
Jaybird says, "afjsdaoi"
[peanut-gallery] Random-Q-Hacker says, "This year it'd have to go to some random player in the audience though."
[peanut-gallery] Matthew says (to Paul), "Timing, damn it."
lpsmith says, "Well, since Mike is not here to accept his award in person..."
[peanut-gallery] kyria79 says (to paul), "lol"
lpsmith pulls a rope down from the ceiling, ties it to the award.
yhlee blinks.
mcp yays
lpsmith opens the back curtains, revealing a huge machine filled with levers and pulleys.
Guest4 exclaims, "Yay!"
Addreamy hesitates
maga says, "hee hee"
alkahest exclaims, "hurrah!"
lpsmith pushes a button.
Chrysoula says, "Make it go!"
Paolo exclaims, "yay!"
kyria79 claps erratically
Paul exclaims, "Let's see you claim your award NOW, dude!"
DavidW says, "toys!"
zebulon exclaims, "Yay machines!"
JessK sets Kyria's timer
Random-Q-Hacker exclaims, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"
brut exclaims, "it's gonna blow!"
Kwi says, "Yay, mechanics!"
Jacqueline says, "heehee"
(From lpsmith) The machine roars to life, flinging the award through the ceiling and out of sight.
yhlee covers her eyes.
inky says, "ha ha"
Addreamy grins widely
mcp laughs
Spinster says, "At least it's not an Enigma machine"
Gunther says, "hee hee"
Paolo says, "you should have examinade everything first"
kyria79 exclaims, "duck and cover, people!"
lpsmith says, "There, I think that'll hit his house."
maga exclaims, "triage vs. purple room! triage vs. purple room!"
Paul laughs.
Guest2 goes home.
</Guest2> Well THAT was certainly... interesting.
Matthew claps.
peccable laughs.
Sargent opens an umbrella, just in case.
Paolo says, "ehr, examined"
Jacqueline laughs.
FreakBoy exclaims, "Tri!"
alkahest heheheh
FreakBoy exclaims, "Age!"
mcp is still laughing
FreakBoy exclaims, "Tri!"
Sarcasmo tells Triage to sit down
DavidW claps
FreakBoy exclaims, "Age!"
Jearl says, "two bots enter! One bot returns to destroy all humans!"
<Skip> Skip has disconnected from ifMUD.
two-star points at the levers
Sarcasmo and STAY