On March 11, 2001, at 1:30 P.M. EST (6:30 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, without comments made on the #peanut-gallery discussion. Should you wish to see those comments, they are also available.

zarf picks an unoccupied and comfortable seat, and sits in it.
Massive Auditorium
This auditorium is an impressive architectural feat: big enough to contain the crowds with ease, yet cozy enough to make everyone feel as though they have a perfect view of the stage. The stage itself is framed by enormous golden pillars to either side (labelled "2000" and "XYZZYs", respectively), and up at the front is a podium decorated with mystic runes inlaid in silver. Spotlights overhead swivel to illuminate the people up on stage and the murals of famous IF scenes on the walls, while the rows of velvet-covered seats all around look cushioned and comfortable. Should you feel compelled to leave the show for some reason, the exit doors are to the west.

Players: inky, eileen, markm, Kays, Rob, Emily, Jaybird, JDubya, Somad, stephenb, Sargent, mcp, zarf, Paul, Adam, mclem, Hloif, LoneCleric, BoingBall
Visible Exits: west
stephenb goes home.
</stephenb> stephenb has disconnected from ifMUD.
Adam says, "Or, um, not"
mcp says, "he's shy i guess"
Jota arrives from the west.
Rob says, "heh."
Guest2 arrives from the west.
wuss arrives from the west.
<Gunther> We've come to wreck everything, and destroy your life. God sent us.
veek arrives from the west.
Kays sits quietly in the corner
mcp says, "he thinks we're all a bunch of wankers -- just like his three roommates"
<stephenb> stephenb has connected to ifMUD.
stephenb arrives from the west.
Jota tries to find a comfy seat.
<Tril> Tril has connected to ifMUD.
Adam says (to Stephen), "In case you didn't see before, greetings"
LoneCleric says (to stephenb), "We feared we'd lost you, Rameses-boy."
BoingBall sits dead centre of the auditorium.
LoneCleric says (to stephenb), "Also, nice to finally meet you "in person"."
BoingBall says, "Unfortunately, it's an aisle."
Kays laughs
stephenb says (to Adam), "Thanks :) still finding out how to use this thing...."
Rob checks his jet-pack fuel ratios, in case he needs to make a speedy escape.
JDubya sits down where a chair isn't.
wuss investigates the velvet-seats.
stephenb says (to LoneCleric), "yeah :)"
mclem fires up a proper MUD client. Might as well do this properly. Back in a mo.
mclem goes home.
</mclem> mclem has disconnected from ifMUD.
<Ender> kaniktshaq moritlkatsio atsuniartoq
Adam says, "MC Lem, everyone's favorite postmodern Polish DJ"
Jaybird says, "Is PerrySimm tested and ready? Are all his circuits functioning perfectly?? Er, no, that's HAL."
<mclem> mclem has connected to ifMUD.
mclem arrives from the west.
stephenb says, "apologies if my typing is a little slow, but i'm using a french keyboard, which is a bit like having a speech impediment"
wuss says, "Oh, wait, they're only covered in velvet. Darn."
</Gunther> Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
mcp says (to adam), "you're not on #peanut-gallery ... i did a MC Lem rap couplet on there a few minutes ago"
Adam says, "Doh"
markm says (to stephenb), "It'll give you a little savwar-fair"
BoingBall says, "They *look* cushioned and comfortable, but in fact they are full of rocks"
mcp says, "(albeit an unfunny one)"
Paul asks (of stephenb), "So it's not just crippling shyness, then?"
Paul smiles.
Tril arrives from the west.
stephenb exclaims (at Paul), "hohoho!"
Ender arrives from the west.
Ender goes home.
</Ender> Observe the snow. It fornicates.
Rob asks, "does everyone know to use #peanut-gallery to chitchat during the ceremony?"
<Ender> kaniktshaq moritlkatsio atsuniartoq
Paul says (to Tril), "Hey."
Tril exclaims (at paul), "You made it, yay!"
Ender arrives from the west.
katre arrives from the west.
Paul says (to Tril), "Yah. Staring at the sea this very moment"
mclem says, "Ah, the peanut gallery. Knew I'd forgotten something."
Jarb arrives from the west.
Tril says (to Paul), "*jealousy*"
<Gunther> We've come to wreck everything, and destroy your life. God sent us.
Adam asks (of Paul), "Guh? Where are you?"
stephenb says (to markm), "hopefully... and a little sang-froid and other french phrases"
mcp says (to mclem), "greetings"
Sargent drops READ THIS PLEASE.
Hloif says (to katre), "Hey."
Rob says, "The thing I don't like about the Xyzzy show is the long dance routines in between awards."
Paul says (to Adam), "On vacation -- at Edisto Island, South Carolina, in a beach house"
wuss says, "Should have brought my own seating."
Sargent says (to Rob), "I hear this year the Blue Man Group will be throwing paint on us."
Adam says, "Hunh"
Emily says (to Paul), "nice"
Rob says (to paul), "wooee"
Gunther arrives from the west.
BoingBall says, "You say that every year, but you always end up getting on stage and joining in"
Jarb stumbles in and says, "Wait. I thought this was Rocky Horror."
Spatch arrives from the west.
Paul says, "It's rather a soothing spot from which to have this experience."
mclem realises he's been standing agog for too long, and selects a seat somewhere near the back
Rob says, "no wonder Jarb is dressed in mad scientist drag"
Gunther says, "log on"
Mona arrives from the west.
Jaybird drops Note for the Xyzzy awards.
Jarb covers his himself, "Eeaagh!"
Rob says, "hee"
Adam says (to Gunther), "That's the battle cry of The Human Log"
Rob laughs
Mona says, "hi all people whom I've never met before"
Mona says, "and the other ones, too, of course"
Jarb starts singing "Sweet Transvestite"
stephenb practises looks of gracious defeat
Oren arrives from the west.
veek throws confetti at Jarb
markm claps.
wuss says, "Need to find a comfy blue seat. Got to be one somewhere."
mclem says, "Oh, oops. I probably should have introduced myself. Sorry. Too excited. Matthew Clemson, Very rare poster to the newsgroups, the embodiment of lurkerdom. Missed two Xyzzy awards from shyness, wasn't going to let myself miss a third. And this is probably all I'll say all night."
Jota gives wuss a can of blue paint.
Spatch asks, "what, is wuss going the william wallace route now?"
wuss asks (of Spatch), "Who?"
Sargent says (to mclem), "Welcome. And have no fear -- there will be plenty of other people talking."
Gunther takes the blue paint and spray-paints Stonehenge
Rob says, "I wish I could '@mutech -all except #peanut'"
Oren says, "I thought I was the embodiment of lurkerdom."
Paul says (to mclem), "nice to have you"
NamelessAdventurer arrives from the west.
Mona says, "hi Nameless"
Jota applauds for Nameless!
wuss exclaims, "Wahay! Blue paint!"
Rob says, "he shall remain nameless"
NamelessAdventurer leaves the auditorium to the west.
Emily says, "we like to call it woad"
mclem applauds at the arrival of the host
Jota sighs.
Sargent says (to Emily), "Heh."
wuss says (to Gunther), "Hey, that's mine."
<mikeo> mikeo has connected to ifMUD.
Jota says, "Must have scared him off."
BoingBall says, "He left how he arrived. Nameless."
Mona asks (of Emily), "whack off and die?"
mclem says, "Ah. He's a tease."
mcp says (to mclem), "again, welcome"
Ender says (to Oren), "Can't be. I've seen you before."
Emily says (to Mona), "..."
mikeo arrives from the west.
BoingBall asks (of Mona), "Spatch's new game?"
Mona says, "oops"
Ivan arrives from the west.
BoingBall asks, "With a strong Mormon message?"
Rob says, "woo, we're filling up"
Emily says, "hey Ivan"
Ivan says, "hola"
veek goes poof.
</veek> Poof.
<veek> "What progress! Please! Remove my head now! This sounds so exciting!" -J.Campbell
veek arrives from the west.
Mona says, "yeah, yeah, the veek shall inherit the earth, we know.."
Mona says, "now where's that ujt when you need it"
veek grins at Mona - I've been found out.
a chalkboard listing the winners materializes.
BoingBall says, "We need a XYZZY-y poll"
Ender says (to Mona), "Oh, won't that be nice? I'm glad they'll get something, they have a hell of a time."
Rob draws a cartoon face on the chalkboard.
<caleb> caleb thinks
PollBoy hollers, "Ender has changed the poll! Claire, you're so conceited. Dork you. DORK YOU!"
wuss sits down in a random seat, and just pretends it's blue.
Craxton draws an anime smily on the chalkboard.
Current poll is: The XYZZY Awards are brought to you by BURMA SHAVE.
Pollster: Ender
BoingBall says, "The sweatdrops go right around the other side"
<Frisco> Frisco has connected to ifMUD.
Hloif says (to Gunther), "Eeeagh."
Ender has never seen a chalk board sweat.
Mona | O_* <-- anime smiley after I spat in his eye
Emily says (to BoingBall), "ew"
Gunther says, "Aie"
Gunther says, "Wonder who'll release their new game in the aftermath"
Flag set.
Rob starts to say something, then stops himself.
mclem exclaims, "The weeping chalkboard? 'tis a miracle!"
<Dilbon> Hi! I'm Ed Winchester!
Mona says, "eleben"
Mona says, "s/b/v/"
Gunther says, "snrk"
Gunther says (to Rob), "Oo! Oo!"
Gunther says, "also, lag"
Spatch says, "oh my god, PollBoy hasn't done the Breakfast Club holler in ages"
caleb arrives from the west.
Mona says, "ten"
LoneCleric says, "I bet Rob will announce "The Voting Bandit" right after that."
markm says, "I suppose I should fix the mud's clock..."
Gunther says (to Spatch), "KNEW it sounded familiar"
Rob says (to markm), "yes, do"
BoingBall says, "The face of Jesus has appeared on it! ... Wait, that's just Rob's cartoon face"
BoingBall says, "stupid lag"
Spatch says (to gunther), "network TV version of Breakfast Club"
caleb says, "hello"
</Dilbon> Canada.
<dfan> I don't speak Norwegian, but my guess is "pigfucker."
Gunther says (to spatch), "the one movie I saw while in the US"
markm says, "OK, clock fixed."
markm says, "I don't know why it drifts so. I'm running xntpd"
</dfan> When everyone starts grabbing each other, the results are unpredictable!
zarf says, "oy, *nasty* lag"
Mona says, "I'd say nine, except I'm so lagged that it'll be eight once this shows up"
Mona says, "or seven, who knows"
katre says (to markm), "i couldn't get the daemon to work"
katre says (to markm), "just set up ntpdate to run under cron"
(From Spatch) markm says, "clock cleaned, too. Bam!"
Spatch says, "good god, the lag is bad"
Rob laughs at dfan's connect.
Paul says (to Spatch), "The broadcast I saw had it as "flip you.""
BoingBall says, "We'll have to bleep 'Norwegian', of course"
</Frisco> Frisco has disconnected from ifMUD.
<Frisco> Frisco has connected to ifMUD.
Sargent asks (of markm), "The MUD is running on a copy of The Commute?"
Rob says, "very bad, yes."
Rob says, "but the same as it's been all week, so not surprising"
markm says (to katre), "ok"
BoingBall says, "Eee-lag-h"
inky says, "hee hee"
<nm> nm was not shut down properly. ifMUD is now inspecting nm for damage and will conduct repairs if necessary.
Gunther lets you relive the biblical adventures of Noah by running around a dungeon pelting sheep with fruit - in 3D, nonetheless!
</Gunther> Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
Rob says, "it will increase the suspense at random moments"
eileen goes backstage.
Adam says (to BB), "I believe that's also the Welsh national anthem"
Frisco arrives from the west.
Rob snerk
BoingBall says, "Eeeagogogoch"
<llamaboy> llamaboy rides in.
Mona snickers.
</llamaboy> llamaboy implodes.
nm arrives from the west.
Spatch says, "oh yay, imploding llamaboy"
Spatch says, "all we need now is SOY BOMB and we'd be all set"
BoingBall says, "Hey nick"
mclem says, "No, that's the second verse."
<Dilbon> Hi! I'm Ed Winchester!
markm asks (of mclem), "same as the first?"
Dilbon arrives from the west.
LoneCleric says (to nm), "Greetings."
mclem leaves the auditorium to the west.
LoneCleric says (to nm), "I'm wearing the shirt, as I told you."
LoneCleric says (to nm), "I just don't know if people will notice, with all this crowd."
BoingBall asks, "Can we have a ten-minute break while we fumigate for lag?"
</mclem> mclem has disconnected from ifMUD.
<MikeS> MikeS has connected to ifMUD.
</MikeS> MikeS has disconnected from ifMUD.
Dilbon asks, "Lag? You mean I'm not the only one whose net connection is like wading in a pudding?"
JDubya would like to wade in pudding.
<maga_dogg> Mary had a little cow/She also had a sheep./She doused them both in parrafin/And burnt them on a heap.
maga_dogg arrives from the west.
veek snickers at LC. Nice shirt.
Tril says (to dilbon), "It's the mud, not the net"
<mclem> mclem has connected to ifMUD.
mclem arrives from the west.
mclem says "oops" sheepishly
neild arrives from the west.
Mona would like to bathe in pudding.
Mona says, "maga_dogg!"
Emily adjusts her helmet
Ivan asks, "Is the ceremony on a channel, or has it not begun?"
maga_dogg concentrates, and disappears.
Spatch goes home.
</Spatch> We'll miss you, Kate. Time for the slow-mo look back at your progress on the show, all those zany moments we had together. Like the time you got bounced on your ass by the cow.
Rob says (to Dilbon), "it's the MUD that's lagging"
eileen comes out on stage from behind the curtain.
Adam asks, "Can't Mark just shut down all other MUDs for the time being?"
Adam says (to Emily), "'helmut' -- remember, we're running on a copy of The Commute"
(From BoingBall) Mary throws mclem on the bonfire too.
BoingBall says, "sanely, it is not held on a channel"
Jota says (to Dilbon), "I know pudding; I've waded in pudding; and let me tell you, this is no pudding."
Jota says, "The pudding was much easier to wade in."
<llamaboy> llamaboy rides in.
neild says (to Ivan), "3 pm EST."
Rob claps
Dilbon says, "The ceremony is lagging."
</mclem> mclem has disconnected from ifMUD.
<mclem> mclem has connected to ifMUD.
mclem says, "Oops. For some reason zmud appeared to interpret .. as a string of directions. Er."
mclem goes home.
</mclem> mclem has disconnected from ifMUD.
<ander> Something wicked this way comes....
maga_dogg arrives from the west.
neild exclaims, "Eeeagh! textburst!"
<Guest1> Alex says, "Awwwk! Word on the street is that you are... um, seven?"
Sargent says (to Adam), "yay"
ander arrives from the west.
maga_dogg asks (of mona), "How do. How's the thesis?"
<Gunther> We've come to wreck everything, and destroy your life. God sent us.
<dfan> I don't speak Norwegian, but my guess is "pigfucker."
Mona groans.
dfan arrives from the west.
neild says, "It seems fixed now."
<baf> baf has connected to ifMUD.
<MikeS> MikeS has connected to ifMUD.
Gunther arrives from the west.
neild exclaims, "baf!"
BoingBall says, "Nice."
Dilbon says, "Yippee."
maga_dogg says, "mm, lovely lag"
Dilbon says, "Well, still one second or so"
Gunther asks, "WTF was that?"
LoneCleric says (to veek), "Needless to say, the back text doesn't come from me. I couldn't write that kinda stuff."
baf arrives from the west.
<mclem> mclem has connected to ifMUD.
neild says, "Yeah, but more tolerable."
mclem arrives from the west.
neild exclaims, "Speaking of tolerable, it's baf!"
markm says (to baf), "hiya"
Tril transform's Emily's helmet into cloth
Gunther says (to markm), "ignore e-mail"
mclem staples himself to his chair. Right. Perhaps that'll work.
baf hello
markm asks (of Gunther), "which?"
Rob hello
MikeS arrives from the west.
Emily says, "heh"
neild hello baf
Gunther says (to markm), "the one I sent 2 seconds ago"
Kiz materializes.
<Urbatain> Urbatain has connected to ifMUD.
Sargent says (to neild), "I give his entrance 2 1/2 stars."
Rob adjusts his tie.
Paul says (to Tril), "Heh."
markm says (to Gunther), "ok"
baf jumps up and down excitedly
jwalrus arrives from the west.
(From Adam) Gunther says, "the one saying FUCK YOU"
Kiz has disconnected.
Kiz has connected.
Gunther says (to markm), "the one I sent the second ifMUD came back"
Frisco exclaims, "Hiya. I actually said Hi 10 minutes ago, but the message has yet to appear!"
Mona says, "hi jwalrus!"
Gunther says, "saying "eeeagh! deadMUD!""
Guest1 arrives from the west.
Urbatain arrives from the west.
BoingBall says (to jwalrus), "Hiya"
mclem goes home.
</mclem> mclem has disconnected from ifMUD.
JDubya yelps as another textburst hits.
<mclem> mclem has connected to ifMUD.
mclem arrives from the west.
jwalrus says, "yo"
mclem says, "Wah. Sorry. Again."
Rob says (to mclem), "disconnecting isn't going to cure the lag"
<BrenBarn> Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.
dfan goes backstage.
mclem says, "Rob: Wasn't deliberate. Various troubles with client."
Rob says (to mclem), "Ok, just checking."
dfan comes out on stage from behind the curtain.
Gunther says (to mclem), "happens to the best of us"
llamaboy arrives from the west.
Rob claps.
Jota applauds.
maga_dogg says, "yay"
Sargent cheers.
JDubya cheers.
Massive Auditorium
This auditorium is an impressive architectural feat: big enough to contain the crowds with ease, yet cozy enough to make everyone feel as though they have a perfect view of the stage. The stage itself is framed by enormous golden pillars to either side (labelled "2000" and "XYZZYs", respectively), and up at the front is a podium decorated with mystic runes inlaid in silver. Spotlights overhead swivel to illuminate the people up on stage and the murals of famous IF scenes on the walls, while the rows of velvet-covered seats all around look cushioned and comfortable. Should you feel compelled to leave the show for some reason, the exit doors are to the west.

You can see: READ THIS PLEASE, Note for the Xyzzy awards, a chalkboard listing the winners
Players: inky, markm, Kays, Rob, Emily, Jaybird, JDubya, Somad, Sargent, mcp, zarf, Paul, Adam, Hloif, LoneCleric, BoingBall, Jota, Guest2, wuss, stephenb, Tril, Ender, katre, Jarb, Mona, Oren, mikeo, Ivan, veek, caleb, Frisco, nm, Dilbon, neild, eileen, maga_dogg, ander, Gunther, baf, MikeS, Kiz, jwalrus, Guest1, Urbatain, mclem, dfan, llamaboy
Visible Exits: west
BrenBarn arrives from the west.
ander claps.
Frisco exclaims, "whoo!"
BoingBall applauds.
Gunther asks, "Are we starting yet?"
caleb claps
zarf asks, "Are we applauding yet?"
Rob says, "nah, we just like dfan gunther"
Urbatain says, "Hi all"
dfan says, "Oh, shit, sorry"
jwalrus says, "hooray for dfan"
markm says, "Ready? OK!"
dfan leaves the auditorium to the west.
dfan arrives from the west.
Gunther says (to rob), "i see rob"
jwalrus tears around the auditorium to work off excess energy before the proceedings start.
inky laughs.
Jota laughs.
dfan says, "I didn't realize that leaving backstage would put me frontstage"
inky says, "ok, let's try that again."
Sargent says (to dfan), "Now you must sing."
inky has left.
maga_dogg says, "yay people knowing what the hell's going on"
Rob says, "sing us a song dfan"
markm has right.
Gunther thought so. HA HA.
Paul says, "sing us a song tonight."
inky has arrived.
BoingBall says, "sing a song of sixpence"
Sargent says, "For we're all in the mood for 'Organism'"
baf sings a song of singing a song