On March 12th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (10:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.
lpsmith returns to the stage.
lpsmith says, "The next award is for the Best Individual NPC. Bernie was not nominated this year."
lpsmith exclaims, "But here to present the award, we have Audrey from Necrotic Drift!"
Jacqueline says, "Yay!"
maga exclaims, "woohoo!"
Audrey has arrived.
Jacqueline says, "Oh, Goddes, it's Audrey!"
wojohz says, "yay Aud"
inky says, "he's still waiting for the right breakout accounting role to appear"
Jacqueline says, "Goddess, even."
Eric claps with moderate enthusiasm.
Audrey exclaims, "Hello, everyone! Thank you all so much for the opportunity to present the XYZZY Award for Best Individual Non-Player Character!"
maga hides his dice
Lee exclaims, "whoo hoo!"
Dave arrives from the west.
wojohz says, "best-Case scenario"
DrewMochak waves his phone number.
Audrey says, "The characters on the list are all very deserving. So deserving that we'd like to use this big bag of dice to help us announce the nominees."
HairBrain says, "Cookies!"
ChainGangGuy exclaims, "Dicey!"
Audrey says, "The first nominee for Best NPC is..."
Dave concentrates, and disappears.
Dave walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice him approaching it from the other side.
Audrey rolls a twelve-sided die
Audrey consults a Dungeon Master's screen
Audrey exclaims, "Our first nominee is Cecilia, from the game Vespers, by Jason Devlin!"
maga exclaims, "critical hit!"
DrewMochak exclaims, "Yay!"
Jacqueline says, "Hubba hubba."
Guest1 exclaims, "cecilia!"
Merk exclaims, "Woooo Jasond!"
olethros says, "go, delicecilia.."
skeleton walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Audrey says, "Our second nominee is..."
DrewMochak says, "Aw bloody hell, an infestation."
skeleton exclaims, "All Hope Abandon!"
skeleton exclaims, "All Hope Abandon!"
Audrey exclaims, "That's a great point, skelly. We'd better not leave that one to the roll of a die. The second nominee is Agrath, from All Hope Abandon by Eric Eve!"
Allen says, "Lasciate ogni speranza"
wojohz exclaims, "yay game i played yesterday!"
JasonD exclaims, "Go Eric!"
Audrey asks, "Could a member of the audience be so kind to punch the skeleton for me?"
Rob punches the skeleton
HairBrain asks, "Will they win a prize?"
olethros exclaims, "prize-fight!"
Jacqueline does an elbow takedown on the skeleton.
DrewMochak totally flips out on teh skeleton.
skeleton breaks up into a thousand little pieces
inky says, "full damage from bludgeoning attacks"
skeleton goes home.
Bishop kicks the skull.
Rob says, "take THAT"
Jacqueline says, "YAY"
wojohz throws computer monitor at skeleton
olethros asks, "is that a fortune-skeleton?"
Audrey says, "Thanks! As for our third nominee --"
Rob levels up.
DrewMochak turns into Chuck Noris and kicks him to pieces with a roundhouse kick.
jmac exclaims, "Wait... it's full of delicious candy!!"
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
Rob says, "ahhh"
Audrey says, "Oh, Goddess, here we go."
HairBrain asks, "Zombie pinjata! Where's me poking-stick?"
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss says, "..Audrey ..."
ParserGirl says, "Shoot it in the head!"
Audrey exclaims, "That's right! Our third nominee has no name. It's the storyteller from Whom the Telling Changed by Aaron A. Reed!"
maga asks (of zombie), "shouldn't you be serving drinks?"
inky says, "uh-oh, one of the waiters can gone feral"
inky says, "woo storyteller"
Merk exclaims, "Good luck, storyteller!"
Merk asks, "Is AAR here?"
Audrey rolls a twenty-sided die towards the zombie
olethros puts his hands together.
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss steps on the twenty-sided die and slips, knocking himself out.
DrewMochak exclaims, "Empty half a clip of 5.65 assault rifle amunition into its gut to make it as gorey as possible before you think to shoot in in the head!"
(From olethros) It explodes.
Audrey exclaims, "Okay! This brings us to our fourth nominee!"
JasonD says, "I don't think so, Mike"
revenant walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice it approaching it from the other side.
revenant asks, "ARE ANY OF YOU... MY KILLER?"
maga says (to Audrey), "you're totally going to level up before you reach the award"
Audrey says, "..revenant "As I understand it, Ralph from Flat Feet (a game by Joel Ray Holveck!) was your killer."
lpsmith says, "Not me."
Rob points at someone else
klimas says, "yay"
DrewMochak points at George W. Bush.
HairBrain says, "XP! XP!"
Merk exclaims, "Good luck Ralph!"
Audrey says, "RIGHT. I'M OFF THEN, TO FIND THIS 'RALPH.' HIS ENTRAILS, HIS FLESH AND HIS BONES WILL BE AS FLAT AS THESE FEET YOU MENTION"
Audrey says, "heh"
maga says (to Audrey), "aie possession"
DrewMochak exclaims, "You! You're not hte real Audrey!"
Audrey exclaims, "Beware of possession on this one!"
DrewMochak exclaims, "You're one of the kung-fu creatures on teh rampage! Three!"
inky says, "we should have cast protection from evil on Audrey first"
revenant exclaims, "EXIT!"
Rob wonders who the nominee is
revenant exclaims, "/Q!!"
Kali says, "WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING"
DrewMochak says, "Hit ctl-alt-del, revvie."
Kali goes home.
wojohz says, "cast protectFromEvil = Audrey"
Ian says, "finger Audrey"
Rob claps for whatever is about to happen
Audrey says, "And now, our final nominee."
DrewMochak says, "Eeeww."
Kali walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
olethros asks, "hey, is this the same award?"
Rob says, "it's a long one"
Kali raises her hand
Audrey asks, "Yes, we have a question for the overdone, leather-draped Incisor Skank?"
Kali asks, "Confidently, you will not intend to forget about Val in the game "that plate with gold, ' by John Yevans as danger?"
Audrey exclaims, "If by that you mean that the fourth nominee is Val from Gilded, by John Evans, as A Hazard... then yes, I agree!"
Kali turns into a bat
Kali goes home.
Allen asks, "when does the strangling begin?"
Audrey says, "The winner of the XYZZY Award for Best Non-Player Character is..."
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss gets up off the floor and shambles over to the stage!
Bishop drums his fingers impatiently.
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss says (to everyone), "...!!""
inky says, "uh-oh, zombie with regeneration"
Jacqueline says, "Oh NOES!"
Lee slaps his head
Audrey exclaims, "Yes, in English, the winner for Best NPC is the narrator, from Whom the Telling Changed, by Aaron A. Reed!!"
Bishop exclaims, "Woo!"
klimas says, "yay!"
inky says, "woot"
zarf says, "wazoon!"
olethros exclaims, "WOO!!"
Norah claps !
sdee exclaims, "yay!"
Merk exclaims, "Yay for the storyteller!"
Audrey crams a very pointy four-sided die into the zombie's head.
koblin tries to remember the rules for turning undead.
Lee exclaims, "whoo hoo!"
JasonD says, "Good job Aaron, if you're here"
jmac says, "zombie bondo"
BRAAAAaaAaAIiinnnnss goes home.
Eric applauds loudly.
Fang stabs the zombie with a revive syringe, and claps.
DrewMochak jumps up and down.
wojohz says, "hurray for telling, hurray for changing"
Ian goes home.
Audrey asks, "Is Aaron here today?"
Rob says, "first slamdance, now this"
olethros says (to fang), "nasty"
Merk asks (of Rob), "And didn't it win Spring Thing '05 too? Or was highly ranked?"
Rob says, "I believe it did"
Rob says, "but I believe all sorts of wacky things"
lpsmith returns to the stage to accept the award on behalf of Aaron.
eileen applauds and applauds
lpsmith says, "I'll be sure to get this back to him. And to apologize for the necrotic drift that's gotten on it, but hey."
DrewMochak plays a rimshot.
lpsmith stashes the award in a drawer under the podium.
lpsmith exclaims, "Next!"
Guest2 says, "Damn. I've been sitting here for almost an hour now, and still no sign of Brother Ray."
DrewMochak says, "I *am* Ray Charles, punk."