On March 12th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (10:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.
lpsmith claps and approaches the front again.
lpsmith says, "The next award is for Best Individual PC. And here to present, our very own ghost in the machine, inky."
Merk exclaims, "Congrats!!"
DrewMochak asks, "So does Em get to keep the first one as a bonus for jsut being cool?"
Emily gives Best Puzzles 2005 XYZZY to zarf.
inky stands up and walks to the podium.
maga exclaims, "inky! inky!"
Norah says, "whew"
klimas says, "yay inky"
Emily says, "no, that was me trying to remember how to give it back :)"
jmac exclaims, "Go zarf!"
jmac says, "Oh, wait"
maga says (to Emily), "suuuure"
ParserGirl says, "He's blinking blue! Let's get . . . too late."
inky says, "actually, I'm not going to be presenting this"
klimas says, "awww"
Rob asks, "???"
(From olethros) inky says, "This is a hold up"
Jacqueline says, "inKY inKY inKY"
Jota exclaims, "Oh well. Next award!"
Bishop says, "Boooo."
Rob says, "eileen!"
DrewMochak exclaims, "Yay Zarf! The game you didn't make this year had the best puzzles i've ever seen!"
Jacqueline says, "Eileen!"
Norah exclaims, "quick hide!"
inky says, "due to new changes in the law, for ethics reasons the Best Individual PC award needs to be presented by an NPC"
Allen says (to Norah), "and act like a grue!"
lpsmith hollers, "Come on, Eileen!"
wojohz says, "yay ethics"
eileen walks out from under the archway south of here, although you didn't notice her approaching it from the other side.
inky says, "so we've hired the firm of Flathead, Flathead, and Flathead, accountants"
Rob says, "yay eileen"
inky says, "originally an architecture firm, Flathead, Flathead, and Flathead designed both the Royal Maze and the Bank of Zork"
Thrax says (to inky), "I hear their audit reports are millions of pages long"
inky says, "which showed they were eminently qualified to move into tax law"
Jacqueline applauds, even though they sound like attorneys.
DrewMochak heckles the speaker.
Jaybird cheers for Eileen!
olethros says, "snrk"
inky says, "so please give a big round of applause for Bernie Flathead, CPA"
BernieFlathead has arrived.
eileen blows kisses to everyone
Rob claps lamely
olethros claps reluctantly.
BernieFlathead polishes his glasses, accidentally bumps into the podium, then drops his paperwork.
DrewMochak claps in slow motion.
BernieFlathead looks out at the large audience and blinks.
maga says, "hooray for bureaucratic oppression"
DrewMochak laughs, loudly.
BernieFlathead says, "er, I'm afraid Mr Flathead and Mr Flathead were unable to come today"
BernieFlathead says, "so they sent me, er"
BernieFlathead examines his nametag.
ChainGangGuy says, "hooray oppression"
BernieFlathead exclaims, "oh, yes, Mr Flathead!"
Jacqueline looks at Mr. Flathead suspiciously.
BernieFlathead says, "anyway, as I'm sure you know, there have been a number of recent changes in the tax code which necessitate new strategies in the year to come"
BernieFlathead says, "elvish weaponry can no longer be considered an antique"
Merk says, "Yikes, if it takes 30 mins per award, I'll have to leave half-way though. :,-("
BernieFlathead says, "spell research and expenses related to buying new scrolls is still deductible, but costs relating to regaining strength to cast spells is not"
ParserGirl rustles through her purse for her notebook.
DrewMochak would take notes, but he never takes notes. SO instead he'll jsut forget it all.
BernieFlathead says, "and, as usual, profits made from investments made with knowledge gained by save/restore must be declared separately for each play sessions"
BernieFlathead rechecks his notes.
BernieFlathead asks, "oh, dear, this isn't "Make Your Zorkmids Work For You", is it?"
olethros says, "I think you have thev wrongnotes"
Thrax asks (of BernieFlathead), "what about spellbook depreciation?"
Rob shoots a spitball
zarf shouts 'EXEX FLATHEAD'!
BernieFlathead says, "oh dear"
inky sighs and walks up on stage.
inky says, "ok, clearly we'll have to delegate this better next year"
Guest1 says, "get on wiv it"
inky says, "still, I think Bernie did very well for an NPC"
BernieFlathead says, "I don't know much about that"
Jota exclaims, "Hold it, I want to know more about magical deductions!"
Jacqueline says, "Good try, Bernie."
inky says, "anyway, for Best Individual PC, the nominees are ..."
inky says, "Inspector Maltelli from Beyond (by Mondi Confinanti)"
olethros improbably kicksV Jota in the shin
(From Thrax) inky says, "Dell's new laptop"
Guest1 exclaims, "maltelli rocks!"
inky says, "Conan, Conan Kill Everything (by Ian Haberkorn)"
Norah claps afresh
Guest1 says, "co-nan.co-nan.co-nan"
Fang arrives from the west.
Allen says, "yay kill everything"
inky says, "Jacques in Flat Feet (by Joel Ray Holveck)"
Ian arrives from the west.
Bishop kills everything.
DrewMochak asks, "Conan... it's not exactly the most original thing, is it?"
Rob stomps his feet
klimas says, "yay"
maga says, "yay games I haven't played"
inky says, "Wendy Little in Tough Beans (by Sara Dee)"
HairBrain says, "Yay, beans!"
klimas says, "yay"
inky says, "and The abbot in Vespers (by Jason Devlin)"
Merk exclaims, "Wooooo! Good luck nominees!"
Jacqueline claps, remembering the period at the end and everything.
Norah says, "Hurrah"
JasonD says, "Good luck all"
HairBrain yells, "VESPERS!"
inky asks (of Bernie), "and the winner is ...?"
BernieFlathead asks, "er, not deductible?"
BernieFlathead says, "oh, wait"
BernieFlathead hands the envelope to inky.
inky looks inside.
inky says, "Wendy Little In Tough Beans (by Sara Dee)!"
maga exclaims, "woo!"
Rob says, "yay!"
klimas says, "woo!"
zarf says, "woo!"
olethros says, "Hooray"
sdee says, "wowza"
Jacqueline says, "Yay - congrats!"
JasonD exclaims, "Congrats Sara!"
Ian exclaims, "Allright!"
Merk exclaims, "Wooo!"
wojohz says, "moo"
Rob says, "first time winner!"
BernieFlathead gives Best Individual PC 2005 XYZZY to sdee.
Lee exclaims, "horraay!"
robgrassi says, "wooo"
Merk asks, "Is the winner here?"
sdee exclaims, "oh goodness! thanks!"
maga exclaims, "speech!"
ChainGangGuy exclaims, "Go Beans!"
Merk exclaims (at sdee), "Congrats!"
Allen says, "Cool beans!"
Jacqueline says, "Cool be - darn"
olethros exclaims, "yeah, speech!"
Rob sets off firecrackers in a dumpster
ErWenn claps politely.
sdee says, "heh heh"
Lee exclaims, "congrats sdee!"
HairBrain says, "Beans! Beans!"
wojohz exclaims, "Sara Dee!"
inky hands over the microphone.
Norah exclaims, "Do it! Do it!"
wojohz exclaims, "nobody doesn't like Sara Dee!"
sdee says, "thanks chris, olaf, and dayle for testing it and for being encouraging"
sdee says, "and thanks to people for playing it"
inky says, "yay"
Jacqueline says, "Yay you."
maga says, "awwww"
Eric claps again
(From wojohz) people says, "you're welcome"