On March 20th, 2005, at 4:00 P.M. EST (9:00 P.M. GMT), the XYZZY Awards Ceremony was held at ifMUD. Below is the transcript of the event, not including side-comments that those in attendance made on the #peanut-gallery channel. Should you wish to see those comments, a version with those comments is also available.

 

lpsmith says, "I suppose more glamorous parties await. OK, next up: Dan "inky" Shiovitz, presenting the award for Best Puzzles."
Jason says, "Uhhh. Thanks"
Rob clap clap clap
Jacqueline says, "Yay Jason. Well done."
JoshuaH claps.
(From Paul) Fans cheer!
maga exclaims, "inky! inky!"
inky steps up onto the stage.
klimas says, "yay inky"
Fang passes Jason a peanut from #peanut-gallery.
inky says, "well, well, Best Puzzles, let me see"
NamelessAdventurer has arrived.
NamelessAdventurer taps inky on the shoulder.
zarf says, "yay nameless"
Tommy claps (for Dan's Mystery House thing as well).
Jason says, "I guess eloquence like that is why I didnt get best writing"
inky asks (of NamelessAdventurer), "what?"
lpsmith says (to Jason), "Hee hee"
NamelessAdventurer whispers in inky's ear.
inky asks (of NamelessAdventurer), "you what? you're going to -- what?"
NamelessAdventurer looks sulky.
Jason exclaims, "Yay inky!"
inky says (to NamelessAdventurer), "ok, ok, fine"
Gunther says, "toad! toad! toad!"
Jacqueline says, "heh"
inky says, "I will be presenting the Best Puzzles Award, with visual demonstrations by NamelessAdventurer"
NamelessSidekick has arrived.
Rob says, "hooray"
inky says, "and, uh, with assistance NamelessSidekick"
Jacqueline says, "Hooray!"
Kwi says, "Woo!"
Rob says, "wow"
Thrax says, "maybe it's NamefulAdventurer"
Marvin exclaims, "Woo!"
DavidW says, "How interesting."
inky asks, "so let me see, what do we have?"
Paul exclaims, "Yay mime!"
Paul says, "(did I just say that?)"
NamelessSidekick walks off stage, and comes back pushing a large table heaped with food.
Rob says, "mmm"
DavidW says, "mm food"
NamelessAdventurer sits down at the table and begins eating.
half puts his head in his hands...
NamelessAdventurer eats the ham sandwich!
NamelessAdventurer eats the grapes!
Fang throws food at people.
NamelessAdventurer eats the muskmelon!
Rob says, "hey, stop devouring all things!"
NamelessAdventurer eats the wedge of stilton!
Jacqueline says, "Heehee yay"
NamelessAdventurer finishes the food and looks around.
Thrax says, "hee hee"
lpsmith says, "Hee hee"
JoshuaH cheers.
Fang cheers.
DavidW says, "ha ha ha"
Kwi says, "Hahaha!"
maga exclaims, "eat the table!"
half laughs involuntarily.
Gunther claps!
NamelessAdventurer eats the plate! Then he eats the napkin!
Recchi says, "gyaa-haha"
Marvin exclaims, "Ha!"
Gunther says, "stop him before he eats the universe"
NamelessSidekick hastily drags the table away from NamelessAdventurer.
Jota asks, "Er. Is this a safe place to stand right now?"
Rob claps
inky says, "I guess, uh, that would be All Things Devours, by half sick of shadows"
Jacqueline tosses Jota a sammich. "No."
Kwi is suddenly glad he didn't get a front row seat.
Rob says, "the front row wears plastic raincoats, like with gallagher"
Fang tastes no good. No good at all.
inky says (to NamelessSidekick), "quick, the next one!"
DavidW claps
Jacqueline claps.
NamelessSidekick whispers in inky's ear.
Rob claps
inky says, "uh, ok"
Paul remembers to clap for ATD. Yay!
inky says, "and that would be Future Boy! by Kent Tessman"
Gunther says, "waaait"
NamelessSidekick goes offstage and returns with a large orange floating object
DavidW says, "hahaha"
Marvin says, "Oh dear."
Paul says, "Oh hooray"
Kwi says, "Mmm, anti-gravity orange."
Fang exclaims, "Think of the children!"
inky says (to NamelessSidekick), "ha ha"
inky asks (of NamelessSidekick), "ok, what's next?"
NamelessSidekick goes offstage and returns with an anvil, a hammer, and a large metal hoop.
Gunther says, "ha ha"
NamelessAdventurer picks up the hammer and begins pounding on the circle enthusiastically.
JoshuaH cheers.
maga says, "yay"
NamelessAdventurer pound pound
DavidW asks, "is that Squaring the Circle?"
NamelessAdventurer doesn't seem to be making much of a dent.
Jacqueline laughs.
NamelessAdventurer pauses for breath.
Fang euro euro euro. Also dollar.
NamelessSidekick whispers in NamelessAdventurer's ear.
NamelessAdventurer whips out a pen and paper and starts writing down equations, then hands the sheet to inky.
inky inspects the paper.
inky says, "uh, ok"
inky says, "I guess it is true that one squared is one"
half says (to Rob), "Future buoy I think..."
NamelessAdventurer holds up the circle triumphantly.
DavidW cheers
inky says, "so that would be Square Circle, by Eric Eve"
lpsmith exclaims, "And zero squared is zero!"
Jacqueline applauds.
klimas says, "yay"
rrafgon cheers
jon claps extremely sincerely for the maths game
lpsmith cheers.
Bishop exclaims, "Yay impossible construction!"
Paul exclaims, "Hooray visual demonstration! Also yay SC!"
JoshuaH cheers.
inky asks (of NamelessAdventurer), "and our fourth nominee?"
Marvin says, "Hooray everything."
half cheers loudly.
NamelessSidekick goes offstage and pushes a bed back onstage.
NamelessAdventurer hops into bed and curls up.
Gunther asks, "what, Slouching towards Bedlam?"
NamelessAdventurer snores.
Thrax says, "hold that dream"
(From NamelessAdventurer) Something sparkly starts to drift up from NamelessAdventurer's head.
DavidW says, "The Snores of Westfront"
klimas laughs.
NamelessSidekick quickly swings a butterfly net and grabs it!
inky says, "and that would be The Dreamhold, by Andrew Plotkin"
half cheers for zarf.
Rob claps
inky says, "and our final nominee .."
DavidW says, "hooray!"
maga says, "yay"
Tommy cheers.
Jacqueline applauds.
NamelessAdventurer gets out of bed, and looks around confused.
klimas says, "yay"
skousend claps
Marvin exclaims, "Yay zarf!"
lpsmith hopes NamelessAdventurer doesn't give inky a goose egg.
Rob says (to lpsmith), "stop _______ing him"
NamelessSidekick, holding something just out of site, whistles and walks over to NamelessAdventurer.
Recchi applauds!
NamelessAdventurer looks around nervously.
NamelessSidekick gets a bit closer.
(From NamelessSidekick) Something squawks suddenly!
Jacqueline hides behind the seat in front of her.
Paul exclaims, "Yay dreamhold!"
NamelessAdventurer turns and runs offstage, closely followed by sidekick.
Tommy eggs on the protagonists.
<Rabbit> Rabbit has connected to ifMUD.
(From NamelessAdventurer) There is a squawk, a splort, and a growl from offstage.
Thrax says, "hey, get back here"
Rob says, "eww"
Gunther says, "!"
inky says, "... Goose, Egg, Badger, by Brian Rapp"
Ferret says, "Oh, dear."
DavidW says, "I'm not cleanin' that up."
lpsmith cheers
Thrax says, "worst variation of Rock, Paper, Scissors ever"
klimas laughs!
Gunther says, "must be a war drove malfunction"
Kwi says, "Yay!"
DavidW cheers
Rob applauds
half says, "yay for games involving badgers!"
NamelessAdventurer limps back onstage, covered in feathers and holding an envelope.
Ferret blushes.
K-Y claps for all
Tommy cheers mightily for Goose Egg Badger.
NamelessAdventurer hands the envelope to inky.
Rob laughs
inky says, "and the winner is ..."
JoshuaH applauds inky.
inky opens the envelope.
Paul exclaims, "yay GEB!"
inky says, "The Dreamhold, by Andrew Plotkin"
maga exclaims, "yay!"
Rob applauds!
klimas says, "yay zarf!"
Fang says, "yay"
Marvin exclaims, "Yay zarf!"
Gunther recipes zarf
Paul exclaims, "Hooray dreamhold again!"
skousend cheers
K-Y says, "Yay"
DavidW says, "yippee!"
two-star exclaims, "Yay!"
Bishop applauds wildly.
Kwi cheers!
NamelessAdventurer and NamelessSidekick clap.
Ferret cheers for Andrew.
Trumgottist claps.
Tommy applauds.
JoshuaH claps.
Jacqueline appluads.
Thrax says, "yay orrererery"
half applayds wildly!
Jota claps.
rrafgon cheers
Recchi exclaims, "Hooray!"
reese cheers mightily
DavidW claps loudly.
zarf does a dorktastic dance
NamelessAdventurer has arrived.
lpsmith claps!
Rob squeezes some fire berries, shooting sparks over the crowd
NamelessAdventurer gives Best Puzzles 2004 XYZZY to zarf.
Fang says, "Well done zarf."
zarf says, "I have... another speech"
zarf stands up
Paul says, "Oh dear"
Kwi says, "Yay! Speech!"
Thrax bites zarf preemptively
ifdhan exclaims, "good for zarf !"
zarf says, "This is all cool."
Fang exclaims, "yay!"
Thrax exclaims, "shorter! too long!"
Tommy says, "Terse, but expressive."
zarf says, "And yet, a mysterious enemy is approaching the borders of our great nation."
zarf says, "The time has never been riper."
zarf says, "We have nothing to cheer but cheer itself"
zarf says, "wait"
half cheers
zarf looks at his notes
Trumgottist looks confused, as always.
zarf says, "Wrong speeches."
DavidW says, "pfft"
ifdhan asks, "the borogoves??"
zarf says, "Thank you all."
Thrax asks (of zarf), "will you stay the course? are you working hard?"
zarf sits down
Rob claps.
DavidW claps
Paul cheers for Zarf and his speeches
Tommy says, "No, thank you."
klimas applauds.
Marvin exclaims, "That speech sucked! Yay!"
skousend claps
Jota asks, "I liked the first one better. Can we hear the end?"
Jacqueline says, "Well done, Zarf. The game. Not the speech."